About women, sex and health

Take the Vulva Pillow Tour

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Want to Know More? Read the following Blogs:

See the Erectile Network here: Be VulvaWise.

For more details about the different structures, take a look at this post: The Missing Female Pleasure Parts.

For more information on what’s been misunderstood and neglected, here’s another post: Lost Sexy Bits. (It includes a quickie home play assignment.)

You Can Become VulvaWise!

It’s simple: check out this information. Then explore out your own or a friendly and willing vulva-owning person’s body. Once you experience all the parts, you’ll be your own expert. Once you know, you’ll be vulvawise!

PS: If you’re wondering what happened with the Spanish translation fund-raising project: we succeeded! Look out for the Spanish version of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by the end of 2017!

Want Even More Vulva-Wisdom?

GET THE BOOK
You can have it by reading the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal book. It’s available as a physical book, as a Kindle or an audiobook!

TAKE THE COURSE
You can ‘attend’ the recorded 4-session online Women’s Anatomy of Arousal course.

 

Beautiful Bodies – Spanish Translation Campaign Animation

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Beautiful Bodies Animation was created to support the Women’s Anatomy of Arousal Spanish translation project. We succeeded in our fund-raising efforts thanks to many wonderful, generous supporters! Look out for the Spanish version of Women’s Anatomy of Arousal by the end of 2017.

This awesome animation is by Alberto Grillasca. Go here to see more of work: aggrillasca.com.

Want to Know More About Female Genital Anatomy?

For more details about the erectile structures, take a look at this post: The Missing Female Pleasure Parts

For more information on what’s been misunderstood and neglected, here’s another post: Lost Sexy Bits. (It includes a quickie home play assignment.)

Become VulvaWise!

It’s simple: check out this information. Check out your own or a friendly and willing vulva-owning person’s body. Once you experience all the parts, you’ll be your own expert. Once you know, you’ll be vulvawise!

Want Even More Vulva-Wisdom?

GET THE BOOK
You can have it by reading the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal book. It’s available as a physical book, as a Kindle or an audiobook!

TAKE THE COURSE
You can ‘attend’ the recorded 4-session online Women’s Anatomy of Arousal course.

 

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Be Vulva Wise

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What Does That Mean?

To be VULVA WISE means that you understand the basics of female genital anatomy, including the parts that most people (yes, even sex educators, doctor, midwives and other experts) don’t know about.

What Is This Image?

This is the Female Erectile Network!

It’s an awesome set of interconnected but separate female genital structures all made out of erectile tissue.

What’s Erectile Tissue?

The most familiar form of erectile tissue is in the penis. It’s what enables them to transform from small and soft to big and hard.

Do Women Have the Same Stuff?

Pound for pound and inch for inch, women have just as much erectile tissue as men. It’s just arranged differently. The female genitals contain just as much of this expandable, engorgable, highly pleasurable tissue as male genitals do. Just as much!

Where Is It All?

The erectile tissue makes up the Female Erectile Network. The structures include the three parts of the clitoris; the paired vestibular bulbs; the urethral sponge; and the perineal sponge.

 

Want to Know More?

For more details about the different structures, take a look at this post: The Missing Female Pleasure Parts

For more information on what’s been misunderstood and neglected, here’s another post: Lost Sexy Bits.  (It includes a quickie home play assignment.)

Become VulvaWise!

It’s simple: check out this information. Check out your own or a friendly and willing vulva-owning person’s body. Once you experience all the parts, you’ll be your own expert. Once you know, you’ll be vulvawise!

Want to learn more about women’s astounding, engorgable and delightful erotic equipment?

Find out why Dr. Christiane Northrup has called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal “the most comprehensive, user-friendly, practical and uplifting book on women’s sexuality I’ve ever read. It’s the gold standard!”

Get More Women’s Anatomy of Arousal!

Arousal_frontcover-w-Book of theYear Award
Read the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal book.

WINNER, 2010 BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD!
(From The American Assoc of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists)

It’s available as a physical book, as a Kindle or an audiobook!


Want Even More Vulva-Wisdom?

TAKE THE COURSE!
You can ‘attend’ the recorded 4-session
online Women’s Anatomy of Arousal course.

 

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Vaginal Sweet Spots

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Q: Are you Familiar with the A-spot? I am re-reading your awesome book ‘woman’s anatomy of arousal’ and was curious to know if you have heard of the A-spot? From what I can tell is that there hasn’t been much research done on this area.

– Christina from ConfidentLovers.com

side-view-w-pudendal-pelvic-hypogastric-nerves_v3_labeled-1

This image shows the major nerve pathways. You can see the uterus (in yellow with an orange cervix) and how there are branches off of the Pelvic Nerve in front and in back of the cervix. Illustration by Sheri Winston, Copyright 2009

A: Hi Christina,

Thanks for your great question. It seems that leopards have taken over vaginas because there are so many spots! I have to admit, though, I’m not a big fan of the ‘spot’ meme in general, so I don’t use the term A-Spot. (or pretty much any other specific ‘spot’.) There are no actual anatomical spots.

Where’s the A-Spot

What I believe people are referring to when they use the term A-spot are the areas in front of the cervix where nerve plexuses emerge. “A” refers to the spot that’s anterior to the cervix. It’s in the fornix (or fold) in front of the cervix.

Sweet Nerve Bundles

A plexus is a bundle of intertwined nerves, like a tree trunk with roots and branches. Like all spinal nerves, they come in pairs. Any place that is richly innervated provides great pleasure potential, so all of the plexuses are wonderful sweet ‘spots’ for sexual stimulation.

There are a variety of places where vaginal nerve plexuses are located. There are the ones you’re asking about, in front of the cervix, as well as plexuses behind it and on the posterior vaginal wall.

A Wise Variety of Variations

One of the interesting things about anatomy is that while many things are very consistent from person to person (like bones or muscles), nerve patterns are quite variable. This is why every vagina owner (and visitor), needs to map out the location of their individual sweet spots. While every vagina will have nerve bundles that are in the anterior cervical fornix (that’s the fold in front of the cervix) the exact location can be more forward or back, closer together or wider apart.

Why This Wiring

I always like to understand not only how we’re wired but why we connected that way. Here’s what I think is going on with the cervical nerve plexuses. Part of the arousal process for women involves the uterus getting pulled up and forward. (I cover this in much more detail in my Women’s Anatomy of Arousal book or online course.) As the uterus is pulled up, it would naturally stretch and therefore stimulate the nerves adjacent to the cervix. This is why they’re wired to be pleasurable areas to excite and why stimulating them will help with things like increasing arousal and vaginal lubrication.

Erotic Mapping Expeditions

Have fun doing highly personal pleasure research to map out your (or your lovers’) sweet spots. I highly recommend exploring and finding all of the especially pleasurable areas inside and outside the vagina including all the wonderful erogenous erectile tissue and all of the nerve plexuses.

Happy hunting!

Go here to read a blog post about The Missing Female Pleasure Parts.

Get More Women’s Anatomy of Arousal!

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal provides the life-changing and integral map that all women (and their partners) need.

Want to learn more about women’s astounding, engorgable and delightful erotic equipment?

Find out why Dr. Christiane Northrup has called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal “the most comprehensive, user-friendly, practical and uplifting book on women’s sexuality I’ve ever read. It’s the gold standard!”

Read the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal book.

WINNER, 2010 BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD! (From The American Assoc of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists)

The Missing Female Pleasure Parts

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The Search for Buried Pleasure

What’s wrong with our standard map of female genital anatomy? Unfortunately, what’s missing from the picture is most of the equipment responsible for pleasure, arousal and orgasm. The clitoris is just the tip of the volcano!

Women have a set of interconnected but separate erectile structures that I call the Female Erectile Network (“FEN”). It’s comprised of multiple parts that are functionally and structurally connected. They are the three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, the urethral sponge and the perineal sponge.

While it’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail about each of the female erectile structures, I do want to point out a few salient bits of information about the erectile network. Erectile tissue is penises are mostly made of. It’s what gives them the ability to go from small and soft to big and hard.

Here’s the key point: Pound for pound and inch for inch, women have just as much erectile tissue as men. It’s just arranged differently. The female genitals contain just as much of this expandable, engorgable, highly pleasurable tissue as male genitals do. Just as much!

Some of these pleasure parts are well known while others are almost unheard of (even by scientists, medical practitioners and sexologists).

female-erectile-network-labels-color-web_v2To start with the familiar, the FEN includes the super-sensitive ‘jewel in the crown’—the head of the clitoris. (That’s what most people are referring to when they say ‘clitoris.’) It’s a unique and remarkable structure and merits lots of attention. The clitoral head is the main and usually easiest orgasmic trigger for most women. It is not, however, the only path to female sexual pleasure. Just for starters, the clitoris itself also includes two other parts: the shaft (under the hood) and the three to four inch-long paired legs. And they are all composed of—that’s right—erectile tissue!

But that’s not all! In addition to the clitoral structures, the FEN includes the paired vestibular bulbs that bracket the vaginal opening, plus two additional structures—the urethral and perineal sponges.

The Vestibular Bulbs

These two substantial wads of erectile tissue are positioned on either side of the vaginal opening. Shaped like an upside-down comma, they’re thin at the top where they connect to the shaft of the clitoris. At the bottom each bulb is, well, bulbous. When engorged they swell, like all erectile tissue does. At that point, they cause the labia to bulge out and in and create intensely pleasurable sensations when stimulated, including when anything is moving into and out of the vagina. They can be stimulated by broadly pressing the whole vulva and labia and by ‘rubbing through the skin’, that is, using moderate to deep pressure to stroke the structure under the skin. When stimulated, they puff up considerably. The bulbs are are one of the important keys to increased female pleasure!

The Urethral Sponge

Another component of the Female Erectile Network is the structure known as the urethral sponge (a/k/a the female prostate). Comprised of erectile and glandular tissue, it’s a cylinder of erectile tissue that surrounds the tube of the urethra— like a roll of paper towels surrounding the inner cardboard tube. It’s analogous to the male prostate.

The urethral sponge can be stimulated through the roof of the vagina and by pleasuring the area surrounding the urethral opening. But it is not a magic orgasm button. Most women will not enjoy having it stimulated until after they’ve reached mid-to high level arousal.

Here’s a little-known fact lots of people miss—the underside of the tubular sponge is what in common (and incorrect) parlance is known as the g-spot. I prefer not to use that term. It is not a spot—it’s the bottom of the tube of the urethral sponge. So while I can truthfully say that the ‘g-spot’ as an anatomical structure doesn’t exist, the erectile tissue known as the urethral sponge most assuredly does. Got it? There is no g-spot, but there is a urethral sponge—an engorgeable (and potentially pleasurable) erectile tissue tube that lies just above the roof of the vagina.

The Perineal Sponge

The perineal sponge rests under the vaginal floor, in the wall between the vaginal and anal canals. It can be accessed via either passageway (or both!) It is also composed of engorgeable erectile tissue.

erectile-network-circuits-v2_webConnected Circuits

Each of the network’s structures is composed of erotically responsive erectile tissue. With proper stimulation, each can become engorged. When the whole female erectile network is engorged, it creates two overlapping, interlocking connected circuits of sweetly swollen erectile structures. While women can become aroused and orgasmic with only some of the network activated, for maximum pleasure get the whole network engorged. When all of the separate structures are engaged, the erectile network becomes like a snug and stretchy cuff of delightfully responsive equipment. Getting one component stimulated and engorged is good. Getting the whole network puffed up and pleasured is way better!

More Pleasure, Please!

When the whole network is activated, women are more likely to reach orgasm by a variety of forms of stimulation. All orgasms are good. None are superior–there aren’t any ways of getting to orgasm that are better or worse. For most women, direct stimulation to the clitoral head is required to get there. Woman can, however learn to expand their paths to orgasm, expand their orgasms and widen their orgasmic spectrum.

11809737_363410023868627_797739392_nOne way that many women would like to get orgasmic is with intercourse or penetration. Despite our cultural misconceptions, this is not the easiest way to get off (or help your partner get to the big O)! Learning to have orgasms from penetration is a learnable skill. One key to making intercourse highly pleasurable and much more likely to be orgasmic (for the woman) is to make sure that the whole circuit of erectile tissue is fully engorged prior to penetration. Other keys include making sure that the woman is in deep, high-level arousal prior to penetration; using our additional inner ‘sexcraft tools’ (such as breathing, sound, movement, awareness and imagination, to name just a few) to increase stimulation; having one or more orgasms prior to intercourse; and, during intercourse, using more pelvis-connected movements such as rocking or grinding rather than a penis thrusting in-and-out motion. These type of movements will stimulate the whole erectile network better then the old in-and-out.

However you use your erectile equipment (or pleasure a female partner’s parts), take the time to play with the whole erectile network. A full-on ‘herection’ is a beautiful, elegant and very rewarding pleasure matrix.

Do you like the idea of getting empowering, entertaining, erotic education for adults ONLINE? If so, we invite you to check out our Intimate Arts Online live and recorded online classes and courses. Discover a convenient, private and enlightening way to have more pleasure and expand your erotic universe. You’ll be glad you did!

If you want to learn more about women’s astounding, engorgable and delightful erotic equipment, there are multiple ways to do so.

Get More Women’s Anatomy of Arousal!

Given how much interest there’s been in the topic historically, you’d expect people to know all there is to know about female sexuality and female genital anatomy. Well, they don’t. The vast majority of people know amazingly little about women’s sexual parts—and this is true for owners of the equipment as well as people who like to play there.

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Read the award-winning Women’s Anatomy of Arousal book.

WINNER, 2010 BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD! (From The American Assoc of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists) Find out why Dr. Christiane Northrup has called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal “the most comprehensive, user-friendly, practical and uplifting book on women’s sexuality I’ve ever read. It’s the gold standard!”

 

Take the Women’s Anatomy of Arousal online course.

Includes four recorded webinars, private ‘home room’ page with text and video resources, ‘home play’ assignments, and ‘forever’ access to the webinars.

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Lost Sexy Bits

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Genital Anatomy - Think you really know?

Lost Sexy Bits

It doesn’t seem possible, yet in this 21st century age of information, we lack the basic truth about our sexual anatomy. It’s sad but true, the pictures in the sex books and the text books are missing some of our vital equipment. We’ll never be able to see the whole picture, if we keep trying to put the puzzle together when important pieces are missing. When we don’t have this information, we can’t understand the reality of our bodies, much less figure out how to pleasure ourselves or others fully. If you don’t know what you’ve got, how can you really play with it?

What’s Missing From This Picture?

Cousin - Livre de pourtraiture-1608-cropped 2.Imagine playing the piano but only being able to see half the keys. Even though the invisible keys are still there, you wouldn’t know that you could or should play with them. Or imagine that a quarter of the keys have been permanently removed. You’d still make perfectly good music but it would lack the range, complexity and depth that having access to all the keys could give you.

That’s the situation we have now in our culture with our current models of male and female genitalia. The pictures in the books only show us a part of what’s actually there. Much of the equipment that’s responsible for arousal and orgasm in women* is missing from our standard depictions thus absent in our brains as well. Women have just as much erogenous equipment as men do although it’s arranged quite differently. Women have a network of structures for arousal that is utterly analogous to the male apparatus. But since a number of these structures are missing in our images and our minds, much of that equipment isn’t being played with.

Our model of male equipment is based on a cultural norm that removes extremely important functional sexual tissue. The cultural myth is that the foreskin is extraneous, and is better off removed. As if Mother Nature had some extra time on her hands, so she knitted a useless frilly doily and tossed it on the end of the penis. Now, being so modern and tidy, we just remove that quaint little dust catcher, improving on evolution’s design. The reality is, the foreskin is far from insignificant, it’s a well-designed part of the male equipment with important and irreplaceable functions.

Our mental maps of our sexual equipment are incomplete. This missing information hinders our sexuality, our relationships, our health and our understanding and enjoyment of our very selves in myriad ways. It’s a virtual amputation with very real effects.

Mental Mismatch Mess-Up

What happens when our models of what ‘should be’ don’t match what actually is? Many people assume there’s something wrong with them, instead of recognizing that the pictures and scripts are flawed. Many feel broken, inadequate, and believe they got ripped off when Mother Nature was giving out the good stuff.

Inaccurate models are like mental chains that limit your movement, cramp your style and prevent you from discovering your truly awesome capacity for pleasure. Accurate models help people expand their capacity for sexual expression and their repertoire of sexual skills. When your experience fits your mental picture, you feel whole, functional, and connected. You’re free to explore the full range of your sexual potential. Most importantly, it helps you know you’re normal.

The Missing “Female Erectile Network”

As I point out in my book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, women have what I call the Female Erectile Network: a set of interconnected but separate structures all made up of erectile tissue, that amazing, arousable, expandable and especially sexy erotic equipment.

Pound for pound and inch for inch, women have just as much erectile tissue as men—it’s just arranged differently. Some of these pleasure parts are well known while others are almost unheard of (even by scientists, medical practitioners and sexologists).

While it’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail about each of the structures of  the erectile network, these are the components: the three parts of the clitoris; the paired vestibular bulbs; the urethral sponge; and the perineal sponge. They are connected both functionally and structurally. For more details check out this post: The Missing Female Pleasure Parts.

Female Genital Anatomy Quiz

Female Genital Anatomy – You Think You Know?

Each of the network’s structures is composed of erotically responsive erectile tissue, and with proper stimulation, each can become engorged. While women can become aroused and orgasmic with only some of the network activated, for maximum pleasure, get the whole network engorged. When all of the separate structures are engorged, the erectile network becomes like a snug and stretchy cuff of delightfully responsive equipment. Getting one component stimulated and engorged is good. Getting the whole network puffed up and pleasured is way better!

What Else Is Missing?

It’s not just that our representations of genitalia are inaccurate. Our understanding of arousal is also limited as it doesn’t take into account personal, cultural and gender differences and is based on a goal-directed, male-oriented pattern of arousal and sexual expression. Even the language we have to talk about sex and bodies and all of the delicious things we can do with them is limited and filled with shame. All of these skewed visions have very real and damaging effects, just as accurate models offer vistas of expanded possibilities and untapped potential.

How Do I Get There From Here?

We need accurate models that reflect the actual bodies and experiences of people of all genders. It’s challenging to find the few resources available to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle. You need and deserve accurate depictions of your sex parts, new visions of what’s possible, and a good map to show you how to get there.vintage-erotica-art-cocks-cunts-550x820

What Does Whole Look Like?

It starts in your mind. Begin by taking a deep breath, right now and imagining who you would be if you were sexually whole. Visualize yourself able to enjoy all of the sexual experiences you’ve ever imagined and more. You can become that person when you open your mind to your potential and begin to learn how to fully play the beautiful instrument of your sexual self. It begins with having a comprehensive and accurate understanding of your instrument.

Your Home Play Assignment

Got that mind set? Good. That’s a great basis for step two: exploring your body. That’s right — now it’s time for you to do some home work (er, I mean home play) and, if you own this equipment, go check it out directly. If you are not a vagina-owner, you’ll need to find a vagina-equipped lab partner for your home play assignment. Here’s the nutshell version of your mission. (For more detailed home play instructions, you may want to read the book or take the recorded online course.) Take a look and a feel of all the parts when not aroused, then get turned on and check them all out again.

There you go … you’re on the road to becoming your own expert and finding all of the neglected pleasure equipment! That’s how you can learn about all the parts that are really there, discover how to engorge them and how to really fully play your incredible instrument.

 

To Learn More

WAA-LOLC_Wegener-Self-Exam_V7-HeaderThese lavishly illustrated Online Courses focus on Female Genital Anatomy and Erotic Pleasure:

Want more info on vaginas and related parts? We got more!

This is the BEST BOOK EVER! I am an owner of a “sexy boutique” – Va Va Vooom, in Asheville NC, designed especially for the pleasures of women. This book is always placed prominently in my store as a “must read”.  – Lisa Zeimer

Arousal_frontcover-w-Book of theYear Award
Sheri’s award-winning book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal – Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure contains unique and extensive anatomy illustrations (drawn by Sheri!) that show, in great detail all of the parts women have, how they’re connected and how to make them happy! In fact, it won the 2010 Book of the Year award from AASECT (the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists) due to this ground-breaking understanding of female sexuality and anatomy.

Check it out! Or just go ahead and grab a copy!

 

* Just to be clear about the terminology, let me elucidate. When we use the terms “women” and “female” and are referencing anatomy, we are referring to cis-women. (Cis is a term meaning that your gender identity matches the sex assigned at birth.) The term “vagina” and other anatomical terms refer to the genitalia of people who are born with a vagina and an erectile network. Usually these will be cis-women. There are also trans-men who have vaginas and this anatomy would be accurate for them. This anatomy does not include the variations of surgically-produced genitals that may be the equipment that trans-women have.

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A Breastmilk Theory of Love

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The Milky Way by Rubens

A Breastmilk Theory of Love: Relationships, Love and Mothering

Does our infant feeding experience affect how we relate to relationships? Is there a template for love laid down in early life that creates unconscious patterns that lead to either healthy or dysfunctional connections? Hear what a Wholistic Sexuality educator, former nurse-midwife and intimate arts counselor thinks about the deep connections between the breast and the heart.

If we’d had our needs met, completely and efficiently, with love, security and nourishment all coming together from the abundant breast of a loving mama—would it be easier as adults to form secure and trusting love relationships? To not be possessive and jealous? To trust in the abundance of love and that our beloved(s) will be there when we need them? To be able to receive pleasure? I believe it would.

Auguste Renoir, Maternite dit aussi l'Enfant au seinThe Bountiful Breast

Ah, breastmilk, Mother Nature’s most perfect food, the true nectar of the Goddess. Evolution has developed an exquisite arrangement for nurturing young mammals, perfected through millennia. It is an elegantly simple system, based on supply and demand. A human breast is essentially a milk factory. When a baby sucks on the areola of the breast, it stimulates receptors which tell the breast (via the brain) to respond by producing milk. As the infant grows and its caloric needs increase, the baby gets hungrier and sucks more, producing more milk. Despite myths to the contrary, the breast is never empty. There is an endless supply of milk, always as much as a child needs. As long as the system is not interrupted, and the mother is adequately hydrated and nourished, there will always be an abundance of glorious milk.

Magic Milk

Mammalian milk has evolved to meet the highly specific needs of each particular species. Human milk contains the exact nutrients in the perfect balance to grow the complex brains and bodies of our infants. It contains living immune factors to protect the health of the child. It teaches both our immune system and our metabolism how to function properly for the rest of our lifetimes by mechanisms that are still poorly understood. Children who are breastfed for a year (or ideally two or more) suffer from less of every known disease, not just as infants but throughout their entire lifetime.

Durer - Life of the Virgin -small cropRelationship 101

Sweet and plentiful breastmilk is the perfect food, always ready, warm and delicious. And it comes in an attractive and time-tested package, that of the woman’s breast, firmly attached to the warm, soft, breathing, pulsating body of the mother. This perfect food is delivered from within the context of the first love relationship that the baby knows. This is how evolution set up the system. When the baby human feels one of its basic needs, that of hunger, the need is met, not with an external object, but by their own personal Beloved. Fed from her warm yielding body, cradled in her strong arms, enveloped in her scent, her loving touch, steadied by her heartbeat and breathing, gazed at by bliss-filled eyes. Ideally, the human need for food is answered in the context of a relationship, by a person, with love.

Sad Stand-in

For those who truly cannot breastfeed, it’s good that we have a substitute that’s at least adequate to prevent significant infant mortality. And, of course, a bottle can be given while the baby is held lovingly in arms. But nothing from a factory can come close to replicating a system that evolution has perfected.

Unfortunately, many modern industrial culture women believe that they can’t nurse, don’t have enough milk and that their body has failed. The truth is that it is our system that has failed them. In nature, it would be extremely rare for a woman (or any other mammal) to not be able to adequately nourish her child unless she’s starving. In our bottle-feeding culture many women have unsuccessful nursing experiences because the natural process, which certainly begins before and during labor as well as after, has been repeatedly disrupted in multiple ways. The result is that the elegant system is too disturbed to function properly and nursing doesn’t work despite many women’s heroic efforts to fix it. This is more then a shame, this is a tragic epidemic as the dysfunction of this system has so many sad consequences.

The Barren Bottle

Compare the perfect sweetness and ideal nourishment of breastmilk to the synthetic formula given to most of us as children and to many babies even now. Artificial infant formula tastes nasty, like wallpaper paste. It’s often given in a transparent bottle, clearly in a finite amount. When the bottle is empty, that’s it. It’s all gone. There is no more. The need for food is met, not in the context of a warm and loving relationship, from a soft and sensuous mother’s body, but with a ‘thing’, a hard and separate object. This is so removed from the context of relationship that it need not even be given while the child is held. A bottle can be propped up or self-held by an older baby.

Terrible Templafinger-1404202_1920te

This forms the template for love and attachment that many of us struggle with for the rest of our lives. Is it any wonder that so many people in our culture, as adults, look to consumer goods, to external objects, to satisfy their oh-so-human needs? But more stuff is never enough to really fill those needs. So we go out and buy more stuff, newer stuff, bigger stuff, better, faster, sexier stuff. More, more, more. But it’s really no good. No matter how much we accumulate, objects will never satisfy our needs for love, security and acceptance. Only relationships can do that.

Sick Substitute

Moreover, artificial infant feeding formulas are unhealthy and barely adequate substitutes that can’t come close to Mama Nature’s perfect food. Indeed, they cause innumerable infant health problems, including gastrointestinal distress, allergies, irritability and malaise. Food, nourishment and the associated feeling of love can become deeply connected with feelings of sickness and pain.

Life Lessons

In our first few years we learn some of our most basic life lessons. Is the world a good or bad place? Am I loved? Can I trust that my needs will be met? Is my body a good place to be in?

Sunga period, 1st century BCEShould we be surprised that so many people have mixed up feelings of love and desire with pain and dysfunction? After all, for most of us our first model of relationship taught us that food and comfort come from an object that is separate from another body. That satisfying our hunger is likely to make us feel uncomfortable and even ill. We learned that nourishment is finite in amount and unpleasant tasting to boot. It’s no wonder that we feel that love is a limited commodity with only so much to go around. It’s not surprising that we can’t get comfortable and form trusting relationships with others. Is that why it’s so hard for some people to receive pleasure? Scarcity consciousness and bottle-fed limits are deeply ingrained templates. Bottle-contained artificial infant formula, unsatisfying, toxic, and unpalatable has confused us about the nature of love.

If we’d had our needs met, completely and efficiently, with love, security and nourishment all coming together from the abundant breast of a loving mama—would it be easier as adults to form secure and trusting love relationships? To not be possessive and jealous? To trust in the abundance of love and that our beloved(s) will be there when we need them? To be able to receive pleasure? I believe this is true.

Reframing Scarcity and Embracing Abundance

For myself, I’m trying to re-frame my beliefs about love and attachment, about scarcity and abundance, from a breastmilk perspective. It’s remedial education, to be sure. It’s a process that requires practice and repetition to succeed at changing (or at least influencing) such old core beliefs. I’m rethinking love, in the breast-milk model. I’m granting myself my ditaly-695032_1280enied birthright, reminding myself, over and over, and over again that there is an abundance of love, there’s always as much as you need and plenty to go around. And that if you need more, just suck and more will come. The breast is never empty, just like the heart. There is always enough. And my hunger can only truly be satisfied by human relationships, never by things. True milk, like true love is plentiful and nourishing, never finite or toxic. And it tastes really, really good.

No wonder the breasts are right over the heart. It is where love comes from. Endlessly, without limits, because the breast is never empty and the heart can always give more love. Read more

The Love Song of Shakti and Shiva

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The Love Song of Shakti and Shiva

From Sheri’s award-winning book: Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure.

In the beginning was the One. The One was all and everything, and for eons it reveled in being One, millennia of magnificent unitary bliss. Over the course of unimaginable time, however, the One grew bored. (Even the Divine gets bored with itself eventually.)

So the One split into two. One part was Shakti — she of energy, flow, and movement. The other was Shiva — he of consciousness, presence, and purpose.

Shakti Shiva ExplosionAs soon as the one became two, they gazed upon each other, fell madly in love, and wanted nothing more than to re-unite. They clasped each other passionately and explored all the ways two could merge into one. They entered each other and dissolved the boundaries between them. For millennia they made love, exquisite erotic love. At long last they again achieved oneness as they exploded in mutual simultaneous orgasm. In that moment, the entire universe was born. All life sprang into being and is springing still. It was the original big bang!

Cosmic Connection

The story of Shakti and Shiva is an origin story about the universe, and a story about each and every one of us. Like them, we long for connection, are magnetized by attraction, and drawn by the desire to merge into oneness. Like them, passion is what connects us to all life, and desire is our path to divine union.

Sex — The Essential Life Force

The saga of Shakti and Shiva reminds us that ecstasy is our birthright and the source of all existence. It also tells us that sex is more than our individual desires, erotic experiences, intimate connections, and sexual behavior. It is the deepest expression of the power of creation. The mating drive is one of the most powerful forces in our world: it has to be or we wouldn’t be here, gloriously alive amid the wondrous diversity and complexity of existence. Asexual reproduction was a great starter plan for Earth, but it takes the desire to mate and mingle genes to birth the unimaginable and wondrous biodiversity of our world. That’s the foundational energy of sex: Sex is the most basic urge to merge.

Your Luscious Life Force

Your individual sexuality is your small piece of that primal power — the vital, pulsing life force. Your sexuality connects to that cosmic energy: they are one and the same thing, only on the micro and macro levels.

How you relate to that immense power has a pervasive impact on your life. You can repress your sexuality. (Or try to, it can’t be stopped) You can go “repression light” and downplay it. Or, you can take the other road and … celebrate it! Your sexuality can take you on a sacred ecstatic path that unites you profoundly to all life throughout time.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. You can learn to fully and consciously open the inner portal to your sexual life force, and in so doing gain access to divine bliss and link to your uninhibited wild power. That exquisite connection to the cosmos —the erotic cosmos — resides inside you, right there in your sexy center. The choice is yours!

Did you enjoy that taste of Sheri’s award-winning book: Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure? Find out why so many readers rave about the book and say things like this:

As a midArousal_frontcover-w-Book of theYear Awarddle-aged, plus-sized, average woman married 25 years who had never experienced a climax, to stumble upon this book has been an incredible blessing, to say the least. After reading it aloud to my husband on our road trip to the beach, we found freedom, healing, and other pleasures unknown to me before including (my first as well as) several orgasms. My husband also mentioned several times how helpful, detailed, and encouraging the book was for him.
We are both so encouraged!

Cindy Harvey, Amazon reviewer

Check it out!

The Elusive Female Orgasm: More Tips to Orgasm-ability (Pt 3)

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Carlos Schwabe - Spleen and IdealThe Elusive Female Orgasm

Three More Tips to Orgasm-ability

(Part Three)

In Part One of The Elusive Female Orgasm, I described three basic solo skills that can get you started on the path to orgasmic pleasure. In Part Two, I gave you four more easy ways to have easier and more orgasms.

Here are another three suggestions that you can use right now to have an orgasm. The same skills that can get you to your ecstatic peaks can also dramatically expand your orgasmic capacity. So have two. Or ten. Or more!

To learn or expand your orgasm-ability, it helps to start with your own self-pleasure. Your solo-sex is your foundational learning laboratory. After you figure out what works for you, you can share your discoveries with your intimate partners. But, like learning to play the piano, it’s best to start solo and then move to duets. Here are three more things you can do by yourself and with yourself to ramp up your arousal and orgasms!

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8. Shake Your Booty

Rocking your hips is the basic mammal mating motion, so utilize that ancient pathway and pump your pelvis. Imagine your spine is a snake and undulate away. Even a small pelvic tilting motion will activate a basic sex reflex, so rock and roll your booty to enhance your turn-on and increase your climax. Pump it up, baby! Let your thrusting animal out and you’ll propel your orgasm sky-high.

9.      Relax

Sexual arousal is a dance between both excitement and relaxation, although our cultural model often focuses only on the revving it up part. Start to play with slowing it down as well. Dance with varying rhythms, from exquisitely slow through racing-car fast, and every speed in between. Sometimes you can even take time for stillness – in fact, that’s often where the pleasure and sensation can expand! Alternate speeding the rhythym up and slowing it down. Play with firing the energy up and cooling it down. Let go of the goal and focus on the experience. Enjoy the journey.

10. Practice and Experiment

The more you practice, the better you’ll get at anything. Practice allows your skills to become habitual. Sex is no exception. As you practice more, you’ll become increasingly proficient with your orgasmic abilities. So practice, lots and lots! It may not get you to Carnegie Hall, but it will get you where you want to go. And remember, your basic practice is with yourself. Partners are optional!

If you want to keep expanding your pleasure capacity, you need to keep trying novel things, running original experiments and exploring new pleasure pathways. Remember, there is no one right way to have sex or become mega-orgasmic. There are myriad paths to expanded sexuality. Don’t get stuck thinking about whether you’re doing it right or wrong. Just try different things; positions, fantasies, skills, toys and keep experimenting and exploring. Keep asking yourself, “What happens when I try it this way?” and run the experiment. Notice what works and what doesn’t. If something works, then add that to your practice.

Remember, even master musicians never stop trying new things and seeing where they can take their talents. An erotic virtuoso is always stretching toward new horizons, exploring new inner tools, and playing with the question of how far can I go. And the great thing about sex? You are your own instrument—and everyone has the capacity to access ecstasy.

This is an excerpt from Sheri’s book, Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice.

Want more? Check out our free e-book Orgasmic Abundance!

Do you miss Parts One and Two?
Read Part One and Part Two for More Tips.

 OLC_Succulent_SexCraft_Website header_ProductAre you ready to have Sheri personally help you learn to play your own instrument with skill and passion?

You can do it in the comfort and privacy of your own home with Intimate Arts Online Education!

Join us for a 4-week deep dive into Succulent SexCraft: Supercharge Your OWN Pleasure for a lifetime of MORE!

Amplified arousal, easy orgasms, expanded orgasms and access to your own ecstasy awaits you!

The Elusive Female Orgasm: More Tips to Awesome Orgasm (Part 2)

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Woman on Wave by Baruffi

Woman on Wave by Baruffi

Four More Tips to Awesome Female Orgasm

(Part 2)

For most women, orgasm is a learned pathway. In Part One I offered some simple ways to learn to find your path, amplify your arousal and access your orgasm.

You aren’t broken if you haven’t yet discovered or established your orgasmic pathways. There are just some skills that you haven’t learned or mastered yet. Have faith that you can get there. You can!

Here are four more easy and effective ways to get where you want to go.

4.      Move It — Flex Your Floor

Inside the bottom of your body lies a hammock of muscles that surround your genitalia and associated organs. Every time you grasp and release these muscles, you’re squeezing, rubbing and fondling your sexy bits. Essentially, you’re playing with yourself without using your hands, which is convenient because during sex your hands are often busy elsewhere.

The pelvic floor muscles also act as a trampoline for sexual energy. The muscles ricochet and reverberate it all around your body, spreading your arousal and magnifying its intensity.

Again, there is no one right way to play with your pelvic floor muscles, so experiment with lots of different actions. Squeeze, pull up, cinch together, flutter, vibrate, push, hold and release them as you see fit. Just get them involved and you’ll heighten your excitement, experience easier arousal and extend your orgasm.

5.      Sing Your Sound

Sound inhibition is the enemy of freeing your orgasm, so to escalate your experience, open your mouth and let the sounds out. You don’t have to raise the roof or frighten the horses, just try playing with little gasps and moans. Start small by making your breath audible. Play with making soft, sexy sounds as you proceed through your arousal journey. Expand your sound repertoire as you become more comfortable with your sound ability. Moan, coo, sigh and whimper and you’ll enhance your experience. Allow yourself to have fun releasing your soundtrack of pleasure.

Use sound (and breath, of course) when you start coming and don’t stop. Allow the sound to roll out of your open mouth along with the orgasmic wave. As you’re climaxing, keep your sounds going and your orgasm will keep happening, too!

There you go (or come as the case may be).

6.      Say Yes to Yourself

Give yourself permission to feel more, do more, explore and go further, deeper and wilder than you ever have. Free your mind and the rest will come along.

When playing with your new skills, resistance, fear, anxiety and propriety will likely arise. Fend them off by repeatedly giving yourself permission to feel all of the pleasure you’re capable of and to be a wildly free sexual being.

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Give yourself permission, over and over, to release, to let go of inhibitions and to push yourself into new territory. Say, “Yes” to pleasure, “Yes” to getting wilder, “YES” to going further than you thought you could. When you start to orgasm, don’t let limiting beliefs stop you. Say, “Yes” to allowing yourself to keep going, and you will.

7.      Touch Yourself All Over

Treat yourself to the luxury of your own sweet touch. Connect to your entire body in a variety of delightful ways. Take your time exploring the feel of your skin and the sensations of pleasure. Add some wonderfully smelling massage oil and rub, caress and slide over your silky sensual surface. Be your own great lover and treat yourself to touch in the exquisite way you so richly deserve.

When you do arrive at your very own delicious genitals, explore all of the wonderful territory, tracing each contour, investigating every little nook, caressing each delicate cranny. There’s no right way to play with yourself, so just take your time and feel how it feels. When you find a stroke you like, repeat it. When you discover a move that moves you, do more of it!

Now, Go Play!

Take these ideas into the laboratory of your life and play with them. Do your own experiments and pay attention to what transpires. Try variations on each theme and notice where they take you. Explore and see what arises. Be your own scientist and observe what happens when you do it one way or another. Discover what works for you and then see if you can expand upon that. Try everything once or better yet, several times and attend to the results. Combine skills and notice how they enhance each other. Be creative and remember to play!

This is an excerpt from Sheri’s book, Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice.

Want more? Check out our free e-book Orgasmic Abundance!

Read Part One and Part Three for More Tips.

 OLC_Succulent_SexCraft_Website header_ProductAre you ready to have Sheri personally help you learn to play your own instrument with skill and passion?

You can do it in the comfort and privacy of your own home with Intimate Arts Online Education!

Join us for a 4-week deep dive into Succulent SexCraft: Supercharge Your OWN Pleasure for a lifetime of MORE!

Amplified arousal, easy orgasms, expanded orgasms and access to your own ecstasy awaits you!