Lost Sexy Bits
It doesn’t seem possible, yet in this 21st century age of information, we lack the basic truth about our sexual anatomy. It’s sad but true, the pictures in the sex books and the text books are missing some of our vital equipment. We’ll never be able to see the whole picture, if we keep trying to put the puzzle together when important pieces are missing. When we don’t have this information, we can’t understand the reality of our bodies, much less figure out how to pleasure ourselves or others fully. If you don’t know what you’ve got, how can you really play with it?
What’s Missing From This Picture?
Imagine playing the piano but only being able to see half the keys. Even though the invisible keys are still there, you wouldn’t know that you could or should play with them. Or imagine that a quarter of the keys have been permanently removed. You’d still make perfectly good music but it would lack the range, complexity and depth that having access to all the keys could give you.
That’s the situation we have now in our culture with our current models of male and female genitalia. The pictures in the books only show us a part of what’s actually there. Much of the equipment that’s responsible for arousal and orgasm in women* is missing from our standard depictions thus absent in our brains as well. Women have just as much erogenous equipment as men do although it’s arranged quite differently. Women have a network of structures for arousal that is utterly analogous to the male apparatus. But since a number of these structures are missing in our images and our minds, much of that equipment isn’t being played with.
Our model of male equipment is based on a cultural norm that removes extremely important functional sexual tissue. The cultural myth is that the foreskin is extraneous, and is better off removed. As if Mother Nature had some extra time on her hands, so she knitted a useless frilly doily and tossed it on the end of the penis. Now, being so modern and tidy, we just remove that quaint little dust catcher, improving on evolution’s design. The reality is, the foreskin is far from insignificant, it’s a well-designed part of the male equipment with important and irreplaceable functions.
Our mental maps of our sexual equipment are incomplete. This missing information hinders our sexuality, our relationships, our health and our understanding and enjoyment of our very selves in myriad ways. It’s a virtual amputation with very real effects.
Mental Mismatch Mess-Up
What happens when our models of what ‘should be’ don’t match what actually is? Many people assume there’s something wrong with them, instead of recognizing that the pictures and scripts are flawed. Many feel broken, inadequate, and believe they got ripped off when Mother Nature was giving out the good stuff.
Inaccurate models are like mental chains that limit your movement, cramp your style and prevent you from discovering your truly awesome capacity for pleasure. Accurate models help people expand their capacity for sexual expression and their repertoire of sexual skills. When your experience fits your mental picture, you feel whole, functional, and connected. You’re free to explore the full range of your sexual potential. Most importantly, it helps you know you’re normal.
The Missing “Female Erectile Network”
As I point out in my book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, women have what I call the Female Erectile Network: a set of interconnected but separate structures all made up of erectile tissue, that amazing, arousable, expandable and especially sexy erotic equipment.
Pound for pound and inch for inch, women have just as much erectile tissue as men—it’s just arranged differently. Some of these pleasure parts are well known while others are almost unheard of (even by scientists, medical practitioners and sexologists).
While it’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail about each of the structures of the erectile network, these are the components: the three parts of the clitoris; the paired vestibular bulbs; the urethral sponge; and the perineal sponge. They are connected both functionally and structurally. For more details check out this post: The Missing Female Pleasure Parts.
Each of the network’s structures is composed of erotically responsive erectile tissue, and with proper stimulation, each can become engorged. While women can become aroused and orgasmic with only some of the network activated, for maximum pleasure, get the whole network engorged. When all of the separate structures are engorged, the erectile network becomes like a snug and stretchy cuff of delightfully responsive equipment. Getting one component stimulated and engorged is good. Getting the whole network puffed up and pleasured is way better!
What Else Is Missing?
It’s not just that our representations of genitalia are inaccurate. Our understanding of arousal is also limited as it doesn’t take into account personal, cultural and gender differences and is based on a goal-directed, male-oriented pattern of arousal and sexual expression. Even the language we have to talk about sex and bodies and all of the delicious things we can do with them is limited and filled with shame. All of these skewed visions have very real and damaging effects, just as accurate models offer vistas of expanded possibilities and untapped potential.
How Do I Get There From Here?
We need accurate models that reflect the actual bodies and experiences of people of all genders. It’s challenging to find the few resources available to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle. You need and deserve accurate depictions of your sex parts, new visions of what’s possible, and a good map to show you how to get there.
What Does Whole Look Like?
It starts in your mind. Begin by taking a deep breath, right now and imagining who you would be if you were sexually whole. Visualize yourself able to enjoy all of the sexual experiences you’ve ever imagined and more. You can become that person when you open your mind to your potential and begin to learn how to fully play the beautiful instrument of your sexual self. It begins with having a comprehensive and accurate understanding of your instrument.
Your Home Play Assignment
Got that mind set? Good. That’s a great basis for step two: exploring your body. That’s right — now it’s time for you to do some home work (er, I mean home play) and, if you own this equipment, go check it out directly. If you are not a vagina-owner, you’ll need to find a vagina-equipped lab partner for your home play assignment. Here’s the nutshell version of your mission. (For more detailed home play instructions, you may want to read the book or take the recorded online course.) Take a look and a feel of all the parts when not aroused, then get turned on and check them all out again.
There you go … you’re on the road to becoming your own expert and finding all of the neglected pleasure equipment! That’s how you can learn about all the parts that are really there, discover how to engorge them and how to really fully play your incredible instrument.
To Learn More
These lavishly illustrated Online Courses focus on Female Genital Anatomy and Erotic Pleasure:
Want more info on vaginas and related parts? We got more!
This is the BEST BOOK EVER! I am an owner of a “sexy boutique” – Va Va Vooom, in Asheville NC, designed especially for the pleasures of women. This book is always placed prominently in my store as a “must read”. – Lisa Zeimer
Sheri’s award-winning book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal – Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure contains unique and extensive anatomy illustrations (drawn by Sheri!) that show, in great detail all of the parts women have, how they’re connected and how to make them happy! In fact, it won the 2010 Book of the Year award from AASECT (the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists) due to this ground-breaking understanding of female sexuality and anatomy.
Check it out! Or just go ahead and grab a copy!
* Just to be clear about the terminology, let me elucidate. When we use the terms “women” and “female” and are referencing anatomy, we are referring to cis-women. (Cis is a term meaning that your gender identity matches the sex assigned at birth.) The term “vagina” and other anatomical terms refer to the genitalia of people who are born with a vagina and an erectile network. Usually these will be cis-women. There are also trans-men who have vaginas and this anatomy would be accurate for them. This anatomy does not include the variations of surgically-produced genitals that may be the equipment that trans-women have.