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Welcome to Sex 101

Sex 101: Learn Super Sex

Do you want to have fabulous, mind-blowing sex?
Here’s the key to having sex that exceeds your wildest fantasies.

Learning Sex

Want lessons in orgasmic abundance? Classes in accessing ecstasy? Perhaps a curriculum of the 3 C’s, climax, communication and connection? Could you benefit from innovative erotic education?

I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Sex Classes (Ya Sure?)

Think not? After all, if all that sex stuff is natural and I’m fine the way I am, why would I wantSex Classes-Website Home Page Box Template-1 in square - round corners-light grayV2 to go to sex school? Even if you’re orgasmic and basically satisfied with your sex life, you can benefit from learning how to do it better.

I’m not talking about the basic sex education that you may or may not have gotten in school about how babies are made and how to keep microbial invaders away from your squishy bits. I’m talking about grown-up classes in how to become orgasmically proficient and share blissful waves of sexual energy with a partner.

There’s Always More to Learn

Certainly, if you have challenges with your orgasmic ability or your sexual connections, you may know that things could be better. Especially if you feel broken, inadequate or like you got gypped when they passed out the sexual goods, you may already believe you could benefit from studying the erotic arts.

Wherever you are in your sexual learning journey, you’re OK. So, please don’t be insulted or feel bad. I’m not saying that you aren’t already a sexy devil and dynamite in bed. However, everyone can benefit from learning how to become sexually adept and ultimately become your own expert. Even if you have good sex, even if you have lovely orgasms, your sexual experiences can be bigger, better and beyond belief. Do you doubt that?

The simple truth is that you learn sex, so to become truly proficient, you need to study, practice and learn. This isn’t a life requirement or relationship prerequisite. But, if you want to become a virtuoso of your own sexuality, enhance your erotic experiences and expand your abilities, then you need to learn how. And, the homework is really fun!

Luscious Lifelong Learning

Humans are learning instruments. You started learning the moment you were born, if not before. As a child, you absorbed information like a brainy sponge, sopping up morsels of culture. You developed skills and roles by playing endless games of imagination. To learn to walk, you creeped then crawled, than toddled. At first you were awkward and made mistakes, but when you fell down, you just got up and kept going, stumbling forward, tipping and tottering about. One day you walked, and soon you ran and danced and skipped, all with adept grace. Learning to walk came naturally.

More Bliss in Bed - Website Home Page Box Template-1 in square - round corners-light grayV2Later we learned harder things that didn’t come so easy, like reading and writing. While communication seems to utilize a natural, in-born human capacity for language, the more advanced technology of written language needs more formal discipline to learn.

Sex is like that. While our utterly natural impulses are based on a deep evolutionary template, we have the unique potential to develop our sexuality far beyond what Mother Nature offers other animals. Indeed, humans have become the most erotic of creatures, with an enormous component of our sexuality that is learned behavior. We learn sex, not just when we begin actually having it, but from the moment we’re born.

Sex Version 2.0

Like our computers, we come from the factory with hardware, wiring that cannot be modified. Yet, being human, with our big fancy new brains, a huge part of our sexuality is also software; the programming made up of our culture, upbringing and experience.

Luckily, this means your sexual software can be consciously re-patterned. If your old programming is buggy, it can be replaced. First you may need to overwrite limiting beliefs, inhibitions and defeating attitudes by un-learning these dysfunctional patterns. This frees you to learn new skills, importing innovative programming that expands your erotic capacities and allows you to access the full range of your sexual potential.

Sexual Skills Need to be Learned

You’ve already learned a lot about how to be sexual and how to “do it”, probably by the time-honored, hands-on method. There’s nothing wrong with the classic technique of fumbling about in the dark until things happen to happen. However, if you want to be a true sexual virtuoso, you’ll probably need to learn more than whatever it is you’ve discovered so far.

The idea that our sexuality is learned is the basis for the curriculum of classes that I teach. Sexual and relationship skills can be, and indeed, need to be learned if you want to excel.

Think of it like learning to play a musical instrument, speak a foreign language or develop an athletic skill. You may be naturally musical or athletic, but almost everyone will benefit from lessons. To become adept takes energy and attention, and true proficiency takes time and practice, practice, practice. Anyone and everyone can become skilled at making music, speaking French, or in the erotic arts, if they choose.

The Foundations of Erotic Education

All complex abilities start with acquiring basic skills, sex included. Your sexuality begins with your relationship with yourself and your basic skills begin here. You can’t expect to play fabulous duets if you don’t know how to play your own instrument. So, the foundational skills in sex are the techniques that focus on your abilities to play with your own sexuality. I call them “Solo-Skills”. By developing mastery over your own erotic instrument, your Self, you expand your ability to get turned on, achieve orgasmic proficiency, and gain easy access to ecstasy.

All of your sexual skills build on each other and become easier with practice as repetition causes patterns to become embedded pathways in our bodies and brains. Never forget that the largest, most vital sex organ is indeed, the brain. If you want to have the most wondrous sex possible, the place to start is by opening your mind to new ideas, possibilities and skills.

st-teresa-faceEach of you has the ability to learn and expand your response repertoire to increase your capacity for pleasure and ecstasy. Start out by realizing that you are responsible for your own pleasure, not your lover. Next, embark on a conscious learning journey to develop the techniques and skills that will make you the master of your own instrument.

And, don’t forget to practice! You may not get to Carnegie Hall, but you’ll be capable of sexual performances that will surely inspire standing ovations.


OLC_Succulent_SexCraft_Website header_Product
Are you ready to learn how to play your own instrument with skill and passion? Ready for amplified arousal, easy orgasms, expanded orgasms and access to your own ecstasy?

You can do it in the comfort and privacy of your own home with Intimate Arts Online Education!

Join us for a 4-week deep dive into Succulent SexCraft: Supercharge Your OWN Pleasure for a lifetime of MORE!


How Can I Use Sacred Sex to Heal and Rekindle My Sex Drive?

I answer the question: How Can I Use Sacred Sex to Heal and Rekindle My Sex Drive?


Boucher - education of cupid-w-laptopCheck out Intimate Arts Online, our recorded virtual courses to learn at home and at your convenience!

Courses include 3- 4 classes, extra resources, & delicious home play assignments!

Find out more about Intimate Arts Online here and discover just how much pleasure, satisfaction and joy you can have!


SizzlingSacred Sex_ROLC__V2-2Want to explore Sizzling Sacred Sex?

‘Attend’ our recorded online course and find out What It Is & How to Have It!

Check it out here.


Sacred Sex: How do I Bring it Up with My Partner?

Here’s one of the questions and my answer from last night’s Ask the Sex Teacher ANYTHING About Sacred Sex webinar.


Want to learn more about Sacred Sex?

SizzlingSacred Sex_ROLC__V2-2Join Sheri to ‘attend’ her four-session online course: Sizzling Sacred Sex: What It Is & How to Have It. Explore the mysteries and magic of sacred pleasure! Beyond the 4 class sessions, you get resources, home play assignments, suggested rituals and more!

Are you wondering about our Online Intimate Arts courses? Go here to find out what they’re all about! Discover the easy way to to learn to have more pleasure in the comfort of your own home!

Keeping Relationships Hot! Shine the Love-Light (Part 3)

Keeping Long-Term Relationships Hot!

Guerin, Pierre-Narcisse - Venus et AdonisShine the Love-Light (Part 3)

Opening the Windows

In part one, we covered kissing and in part two, touching like you did when you first fell in love can sustain the heat and turn-on your turn-up even in long-term relationships. Here, I offer one more area to explore: shining your love-light onto and into each other.

Seeing Into the Other

Eye-gazing is a powerful way to connect. Cliché though it is, the eyes really are like portals that allow us to see into the heart (and possibly the soul) of another. They show our true feelings, vulnerabilities and desires.

It’s not always easy to eye-gaze, though. Looking deeply into another’s eyes can be dauntingly intimate. You need courage to show up fully and stay present, to see and be seen.

When we’re first enamored of another, we tend to gaze deeply into their eyes, beholding the wonder of our beloved. Wanting to eye-gaze comes naturally, but it tends to be limited to those times when our love hormones are in overdrive. As the years go by, most couples spend less and less time looking into each other with wondrous love. Or, if we do look, it’s not with the open-hearted delight and passion that earlier overflowed through our eyes and face and heart. The result is less intimacy and connection.

New lovers don’t need to set aside special time to use their eyes to pour their love into their mates, but if we’ve been together for a while, we’ve probably fallen out of this habit. Help yourselves fall back in love, by remembering to look at your partner, with love, throughout your regular interactions. Make giving a loving look a regular and frequent occurrence.

In addition to making love-looks an ongoing habit, you can also set aside time for eye-gazing practices as another way to increase the flow of heart-energy between you.

Eye-Gazing Galore

Here are a few suggestions for some simple eye-gazing practices.

  • Get into a comfortable aligned position where you can easily look into each other’s eyes. Lay side-by-side or sit facing each other in chairs or have one partner straddle the other’s lap.
  • Decide which eye will be the focus of your gazes. One particularly useful trick is to look into each other’s non-dominant eye, which is theoretically more connected to emotional state. Look into each other’s eyes. Allow your gaze to be soft and relaxed. Let your gaze softly focus, resting on one eye. Try to avoid switching from one eye to the other or glancing at their mouth.
  • Simply look into each other’s eyes, breathe and be. Relax into the experience.
  • To make sure your gaze is filled with love, it can be helpful to silently say loving things like “I love you” as you look. Try doing that and notice how your heart expands as you repeat loving words and how more love-light shines out.
  • The more love you feel, the more you give, the more loved your partner feels, the more they give, creating a positive love loop between you.

Oh, Babypicasso-maternite-1905

Another practice is to see your partner as if they were a shining newborn baby. Imagine seeing your sweetie with the love, delight and open-hearted joy that greets a new and beloved child.

You Are Divine

One more option is to consciously imagine that you’re seeing the Divine in them.
To expand this practice, try to coordinate your breathing, so that you’re both in the same rhythm. As you sync up your breathing pattern, it often becomes easier to stay in a tranced out, heart-centered love space.

Let There Be Love

Incorporating the actions of new lovers into the habits of long-term ones is crucial to keeping our love luscious. The actions are simple: looks of love, sweet deep kisses and tender touches. Remembering to do these simple actions isn’t so simple. The new love biochemicals aren’t there to drive our impulses toward intimacy. To create sustained ardor, we must call on our conscious choice and our intention. When we add these sorts of fuel to our fires, they can burn on, and falling in love can be transformed into a sustainable life of living in love.

Want more long-term love lessons? You got it! Here’s Part One: Kiss Like You Mean It and Part Two: How Touching

Read more

Sexless Marriages: 5 Tips For Re-Igniting The Spark

It’s all over the news—there’s an epidemic infecting long-term intimate connections. Partners still love each other, but they’ve lost that erotic charge.

Sexless marriages are apparently commonplace. I hear the moans (not the good kind!) all the time in my classes and practice. “The honeymoon is over.” “I used to be somasaccio-theexpulsionofadamandevefromeden-restoration-only hot for her.” “We never have sex anymore!”

Where does it go? Why is it that the most burning passionate relationships fade to a warm glow? Does monogamy inevitably lead to monotony and from there to sexual indifference? The fact is that the biochemicals of in-loveness, that simmering pheromonal soup of sexiness, does indeed diminish over time. Across cultures, the average time that a couple stays together is only four years, just when that complex and heady perfume of lust and its chemical underpinnings fades away.

It’s just reality—familiarity leads to feeling like, well, family—and we’re biologically programmed to not want to have hot steamy sex (or any sex at all, for that matter) with our family members.

While it’s definitely natural for desire to wane, we do have the power to keep the flame burning if we know how to stoke the fire. So what’s a couple to do if they want to stay together and sustain a state of loving lusty heat with each other?

Personally, I believe that great sex is the glue and the lubricant of long-term relationships. So, to battle the forces of boredom and combat the spreading tide of lustlessness, here are five tips to sending that sizzle arcing between you again:

The First Kiss of Adam and Eve by Salvador Viniegra, 1891

The First Kiss of Adam and Eve by Salvador Viniegra, 1891

1. Hot, wet, kisses! No kidding. Cut out that dry peck of a kiss as you go off to work. Forget about that quick cool little lip press that you could just as easily give your mother. Really deeply kiss each other. It doesn’t have to take long, but a minute (yes, a whole minute) of soft, wet, slippery lips and tongues is an instant antidote to feeling like family. When we taste each other, we’re sharing and stirring the chemical stew of seduction and putting the burner on simmer for later feasting. I recommend a minimum daily dose of 5—10 seriously steamy kisses per day.

2. Eyes to eyes. Think of new lovers and how they devour each other with their eyes. Long, soulful looks pass between them, as they shine that love-light into each other’s eyes, which connect directly to their hearts. Prescription: act like lovers, look at each other the way lovers do and you’ll fire up that ‘you’re so yummy, I can’t take my eyes off of you’ energy.

3. Go to bed early. Turn off vienna-434517_1280the TV, the computer and the phones and go get in bed! Make an intimacy date to snuggle and talk, to pet and play. It’s okay if you’re tired. Make the date about connecting, without the pressure or expectation of sex. Just make time to touch and be in physical contact, to unwind and share. Sometimes it will lead to sex, sometimes not. That’s alright. Just make the time to be in your bodies together, and good stuff will come out of it. Turn the outside world off, and you’ll create space to turn on to each other. Recommended dose: at least once a week, and more is definitely better!

4. Have play dates. Laughing leads to sex. Smiles warm the cockles of the heart (and elsewhere). I don’t know where I got the idea when I was younger that sex is serious business, but it’s also about fun, play and creativity. Toys and props are good, but nothing beats the power of your own imagination and inventiveness. (What if I slather this there and rub that on this?) Make up games. (I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!) Play pretend (pirates anyone?). Remember, it’s sex play, not sex work! Joy really is the best medicine in the bedroom, so giggle, tickle, wrestle and romp and you’ll be sure to have your minimum daily requirement of sexy fun.

figure-342148_crop5. Breathe together. Breath is one of our most basic tools for connecting with ourselves and others. When we breathe together, we entrain all the rhythms of our bodies. When we play with exchanging breath, we fire up our erotic energy. There’s no one right way to us to breathe, so feel free to make this a game to explore and experiment with. Slow down and let your breathing relax you and help you tune in to yourself and your partner. Or speed up and allow your breathing to pull you into deeper arousal. Encourage each other not to hold your breath, but to keep it moving as you ride the arousal and orgasmic waves. My best medical advice: practice conscious expanded active breathing often. Do it alone. Do it together. Do it with love. Do it often to get a healthy erotic flame flowing freely between you.

If the embers of your relationship are going out, now is the time to stir the coals, add some fuel and get the blaze burning again. Let’s end that insidious epidemic of sexless relationships and show those newlyweds that old fires can blaze even hotter than new ones!