Breastfeeding Is The Better Choice

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I love that Huff Post is showing  “22 Candid Photos That Show How Beautiful Breastfeeding Really Is.” I love it because breastfeeding is beautiful and normal, natural and super-healthy. Looking at these lovely loving pictures is a great way to end World Breastfeeding week. These photos  are a wonderful way to help normalize something that is so foundational that an entire class of animals is named after it. We are, after all mammals, identified by our ability to provide perfect food for infants via our mammaries.

It’s a bummer, though, that HuffPost also felt the need to put Kim Simon’s article “30 Ways Breastfeeding and Formula-Feeding Are Exactly the Same” on the same page. Because, while all parents may share concerns and challenges, breastfeeding and formula feeding are not exactly the same—and their differences matter.

Yes, I understand that many women choose not to breastfeed, but articles like this won’t help future moms make an informed choice to breastfeed. And it is the better choice—no two ways about it. The evidence is clear—breastfed children have lifelong advantages in health and intelligence.

The author wrote this in anticipatory defense against the possible shaming of formula-feeding parents. I’m not writing this commentary to shame mothers who don’t breastfeed. I felt compelled to write it because I want to co-create a world where breastfeeding is understood for what it is—a huge benefit for baby (and mom, too.) Babies that are fed ‘mama milk’ are healthier not just while they’re nursing, but for the rest of their life. Every disease known to humans has a lower lifetime incidence if the person was breastfed.

I love that Kim Simon is a co-founder of the I Support You project, which aims to foster understanding and connection between formula-feeding and breastfeeding moms.  I also want all moms to be connected, supported and supportive of each other whatever their choices.

At the same time, I want mothers to understand that breastfeeding is the healthier choice. Not only that—it also makes life super easy. Here are just a few of the many ways this is true:

  •  Nursing makes it easy to feed your baby anytime. The milk is always ready. It’s the perfect food at the perfect temperature, and there’s an endless supply.
  • If you sleep with your baby (and I strongly recommend that you do), night feedings are simple—roll over and pop a nipple in their mouth! You can actually get lots more sleep if you breastfeed.
  • Since breastfed babies get sick less often, you have fewer cranky sick baby days and nights.
  • Wear your baby in a sling and you can be nursing while you answer the door, deal with your other kids, eat your own meal and so on.

No one should be shamed for their choices. At the same time, breastfeeding is far and away the better option. I want people to know this, and I want breastfeeding to be the norm.

Everyone has an equal right to choose. But not all choices are created equal.

 

An Easy Way to Play with Your Pleasure: A Sexual Breathing Practice

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My book, Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice is jam-packed with games, exercises and practices. Here’s a teasing, tempting taste! I find this practice super-useful in a wide variety of sexy situations.

anne-anderson-wind-blowsSexual Breathing Practice

Your brain is one of your most powerful arousal engines. You engage it through your awareness, focus and imagination. Joining it with your breath is a winning combination!

In this simple Sexual Breathing Practice you imagine breathing through your bottom (genitals, anus and perineum) at the same time that you pump your pelvic floor muscles (PFMs) and, of course, breathe. You can coordinate the pattern in whatever way is easiest for you. Try doing it the way I suggest and if that doesn’t work for you, do the reverse.

Here Goes

Take a deep breath in and pull up on your PFMs. Exhale and release them. Continue the pattern of coordinating breath and pelvic floor muscles. Begin to imagine that your breath is actually being sucked in through your bottom as you inhale and is being released from your bottom on the exhale. Imagine that you feel the air flowing into your genitals as you pull it in on your inspiration and flowing out as you exhale and release. Feel the sensations of the air rolling in and out.

Find the rate that is easiest for you. Practice and play with it until it feels natural and effortless.

Relaxing Rhythm

You can use this practice with a slow rhythm to relax. Make it nice and easy, using a pace that’s a bit slower then your normal rate. Get that leisurely rhythm going and bask in the calming practice.

Ramp It Up: Slowly Get Faster

Play with using this practice during erotic play. See what happens when you start slow and slowly increase the speed until you’re really rocking it. Take your time going from slow to rapid. The more time you take to shift gears, the better.

Fast and Furious

Try breathing at a rapid rate to turn up your turn-on. Make sure to keep each breath deep as you go fast. Use your energetic breath as a way to fire up your erotic energy.

Breathing Plus

Use a combination of various breath rates and rhythms, along with pulsing of your pelvic floor muscles and engage your imagination. Imagine that you’re using your upper and lower pumps to pump up your arousal! (You actually are doing exactly that.) Imagine that your mouth and throat are connected to your pelvic floor and genitals. (They actually are!)

Orgasm Additions

Add conscious breath practices to your next climax and see what happens. Experiment with breathing slow for one orgasm and breathing fast for another. Notice what happens.

Breath is for Solo Or Partnered Pleasure

You can do sexual breathing alone or with a partner. When you do it as a duo, you can synchronize by both doing the same pattern at the same time. Or you can do opposite patterns, with one of you inhaling while the other exhales.

Play and Experiment

Remember, there’s no right way and no way to do it wrong, so go ahead and experiment. Play with breathing through your bottom and pulse your way to more pleasure.

Read more

Discover the Source of Female Ejaculation

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Nectar of Life

In ancient India, female ejaculate was known as sacred Amrita or the Nectar of Life. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, it’s called White Moon Flower Medicine. Western science is beginning to catch up with this ancient wisdom, but while there is more research then previously, we still lack a consensus about the existence of many of the structures that make up the whole female genitalia and the process of female ejaculation.

The Erectile Network

Women have a network of interconnected structures that are all made of erectile tissue. I call it the Erectile Network. The Erectile Network is a matrix of structures that includes all three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, the perineal sponge and the urethral sponge. Women can become aroused and orgasmic by stimulating any of these structures (or in many other non-genital ways as well) but, in general the best arousal and orgasms happen when all of these structures are thoroughly stimulated.

Erectile Equality

Pound for pound, inch for inch the female erectile network contains the same amount of erectile tissue as a penis. Erectile tissue is mostly composed of erectile capillaries, which are tiny specialized blood vessels that have the capacity to fill with blood. This is engorgement which is what causes erectile tissue to swell, become harder and more sensitive.

splashing-164171_1280The Super Soaker Sponge

One of the structures in the network is the urethral sponge (aka the female prostate since it’s analogous to the male prostate). The urethral sponge is a tube that surrounds the tube of the urethra – think of it like a roll of paper towels surrounding the inner cardboard tube. It’s located above the roof of the vagina. The bottom of the tube is what is currently (and incorrectly) being referred to as the G-Spot.

The urethral sponge is comprised of both erectile and glandular tissue. The glands are the Paraurethral Glands (aka the Skene’s Glands). They’re tiny tubular structures that are enmeshed in the erectile capillaries — think of them like the hair roots of a plant threaded throughout the soil of the erectile tissue. The tubular glands end in about thirty openings along the urethra, with two slightly larger ducts just inside or just outside the urethral orifice. In other words, the glandular tubules empty into the urethral canal. In some women, there are additional openings along the sides of the vaginal vestibule.

These glands are the source of female ejaculate. The fluid originates in the circulatory system. The watery part of the blood, the plasma diffuses through the wall of the capillaries, enters the glandular tubule, mixes with the products of the gland and then emerges into the urethra. From there it can either emerge from the urethral opening or back-up into the bladder.

More Ejaculate Info

Female ejaculation is the expulsion of that fluid in a drip, gush or squirt. It can be a few drops, a small puddle or a huge flood. In fact, since the original source of the liquid is the circulatory system, there’s a huge fluid reservoir and women can continue to make fluid and have repeated and profuse amounts of ejaculate.

Women may squirt once or repeatedly, occasionally, sometimes, frequently, or always. Female ejaculation doesn’t always accompany orgasm. It can happen with high level arousal although for many women it does commonly happen with orgasm.

rain-1563957_1920Ejaculate is not urine, although it spurts out from the urethra. That’s the same hole pee comes out of, so it’s understandable that people might think it’s urine. But it’s not yellow, doesn’t smell like pee, doesn’t have the same chemical make-up as urine (no urea, no nitric acid). That’s because it’s not urine and doesn’t originate from the bladder. The fluid does contain Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) and Prostatic Acid Phosphatase just as the male prostate fluid does.

Amrita Isn’t Lube

Is it the same as vaginal lubrication? No. vaginal lubrication comes from the inner walls of the vagina and it’s slick and slippery. Ejaculate comes from the paraurethral glands, emerges from the urethral opening and it’s watery.

Natural AND Learnable

While some women are natural ejaculators, it’s a learnable skill and any woman can learn to do it. It’s not required. This is a totally optional skill. I will say though that having ejaculatory orgasms is a mind-boggling, intense and goddess-like experience, so it may be something that you want to learn to do! Being a gushing goddess (or being with a gushing goddess) is glorious!

Read More Blog Posts

BE VULVA WISE: What Does That Mean? “Read more about the erectile network and radical genital anatomy from your personal anatomy geek!”

Is there Or Is There Not A G-Spot? “Confusion Still Reigns – Clear It Up Now!”

G-Spot Reality Check “Is There or Is There Not A G-Spot?”

The Missing Female Pleasure Parts “The Search for Buried Pleasure”

Read the Book

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal — Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure to see more detailed images of these structures, to learn more about all the parts that women really have and the amazing things they can learn to do with them.

Take An Online Course

Another way to learn is to ‘attend’ (watch) any of these recorded Online Courses:

 

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Correcting The Orgasmic Record

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Gervex - Woman Tossed by a Wave

Gervex – Woman Tossed by a Wave

When the Strange Sex Ms. Orgasm episode, featuring me aired, I was surprised that they had invented two “facts”.

The 1st invention was that I claimed to have estimated my lifetime orgasm total as 15,000. Really? Whoa! I never said that. In fact, they never asked me that question, nor have I been counting. Seriously, who has been racking up a lifetime orgasm estimate?

Still, once the episode was broadcast, I decided to think about what a more realistic estimate would be. So, here goes my best guesstimate. Let’s see … I’ve been having sex for about 40 years. Including both solo and partnered encounters, I’ll guess that I’ve had a sex session about 4 times a week. For simplicity’s sake, let’s say 50 weeks per year. So that’s about 200 sex sessions per year. Figure that each sex session includes an average of 10 orgasms. (That accounts for my less orgasmic younger years where 3 was a great night and the more multi & mega later years, where one or two or three dozen is common, so an average of 10 makes sense.) So, let’s do the math. 4 times a week, times 50 weeks, times an average of 10 orgasms for 40 years, equals 80,000! Cool!

The 2nd “fact” was that my record for non-genital orgasms was five in a day! Now that’s just silly since over the three days of filming, they must have recorded me having dozens and dozens. I can have an orgasm in three breaths, (you can see the little educational Three Breath Orgasm video here) and I can have way more than five in five minutes. Frankly, I can’t even begin to guess my maximum or my all time record.

It would depend how you count anyway. Are we only including hands-off experiences or all orgasms achieved without direct genital stimulation included? Does a five minute orgasm with ten peaks count as one or ten? I give up on this. Counting orgasms is just silly anyway. Fantastic sex is about so much more than orgasm, anyway. And expanded orgasms are about so much more than numbers. Is there really any point to quantifying bliss? I don’t think so. For me, it’s not about my personal abilities anyway. For me, this is all about inspiring and educating you and everyone to be able to have multi-mega-orgasmic experiences. Then questions of ‘how many’ evaporate from our culture to be replaced by discussions and teachings about how to connect to pleasure, to access ecstasy and expand orgasms. And that is a land without numbers.

And, just a reminder – no one sprinkled orgasm dust on me – I learned how to do this and so can you!

 

Ms. Orgasm Responds

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Hi, Sheri Winston here. Ms. Orgasm, as they dubbed me on Strange Sex.

To clarify: I never claimed to have had 15,000 orgasms in my lifetime or ‘with the power of my mind’. They made that up. Nor did I say that my record for non-genital orgasms was five in a day. That’s just silly. And, seriously, who’s counting? (Though if I was, the number would be considerably  higher!) I guess the folks at Strange Sex felt they needed to add this as part of their branding script, but it had nothing to do with me. In fact, adding such meaningless invented statistics betrays a serious lack of understanding of what orgasms are all about—both genital and non-genital. People’s orgasmic potential is virtually unlimited: an orgasm can last an hour or more, and people can have dozens or even hundreds of orgasms in a day. Orgasms can be the result of direct genital stimulation, non-genital play or completely hands-off responses. There’s an enormous and varied realm of orgasmic experiences.

Gervex-Woman-Tosed-by-a-WaveIt is true that I’ve had an amazing abundance of orgasms in my life. But it’s not that I was blessed by the orgasm fairy at birth or have really, really great sex karma. These are all things that I learned to do. And the point isn’t even really what abilities I’ve cultivated. The important point is that anyone who wants to can learn these skills as well.

I consented to appear on Strange Sex not because I took any particular pleasure in exhibiting my orgasmic capabilities to the world (despite the evidence, I’m actually a pretty private person!), but because it’s part of my mission as a sex teacher to let people know that they have extraordinary erotic potential, far more than most people imagine.

I’ve learned to develop my spectacular orgasmic abilities through decades of practice. By that, I mean both through personal sexual practice, as well as in my professional practice. OK, get a grip, I don’t mean as a sex worker—I mean as a nurse-midwife and childbirth educator for over two decades and then as a sex teacher for more than a dozen years. It may surprise you to learn that all the skills that help women have wonderful births are the same as those that lead to spectacular sex. But it’s true! That’s how I got my start in learning to expand my erotic abilities—teaching women how to use their mind, body, heart and spirit to maximize their chances of having a natural, empowering and even ecstatic birth.

Here’s the key point, though. Anyone who wants to can expand their ability to get intensely aroused, have awesome orgasms and develop erotic mastery. You see, for us humans, sex is both natural and learned. Yes, we learn sex! It’s just like learning to play an instrument or speak another language—a set of complex intertwined skills that build on a natural inherent framework. Except that it’s easier to find someone to teach you piano or take French classes than it is to find someone to teach you how to have amazing connection with your own sexual energy (and with others, if you choose).

While the TLC show focused on non-genital orgasms, that’s just a small piece of what it’s possible to learn to experience. Even in the non-genital orgasm category, there are a variety of learnable experiences, including hands-off orgasms (sometimes referred to as ‘thinking off’) as well as orgasms through stimulation of non-genital body parts. In fact, some people who are para- or quadriplegics have learned to have orgasms from stimulation of their fingers or mouth—a testament to the plasticity of the human brain and the ability to learn.

If you doubt this, I have a question for you. Have you ever had an orgasm in your dreams? If so, you’ve had a non-genital orgasm!

As for whether I’m faking it or not, I have two responses. If you’re looking for data, check out the experiments being done at Rutgers University by Whipple, Komisaruk and Wise, using an MRI to document the ability to ‘think off’ and demonstrating that in terms of physiological response, it’s no different than the traditional genitally stimulated orgasm.

vanity-Gustav Wertheimer_V4My second response though, may be more to the point. You don’t need to believe me. In fact, I urge you to be skeptical of all official experts, including me. Become your own expert. Check it out for yourself. If you really want to know what’s possible, experiment with various techniques, play and practice, and discover your own abilities. Find the way to connect with and expand your own pleasure pathways. Discover for yourself how to expand your turn-on and amp up your orgasmic abilities.

You can learn how to respond to a wider range of stimuli, to have extended orgasms or non-genital orgasms. You can go for total erotic virtuosity. Or not. It’s up to you. For most people, non-genital orgasms are an advanced skill that will take years of practice, although there are always those who are very quick learners!

Please do remember though, there’s no right or wrong way. There’s only what works for you. It’s not a competitive sport or more things on your overcrowded to-do list. It’s play. Sexy, sacred, awesome, ecstatic, sweaty, sweet play. Whatever you do, focus on the pleasure and whatever enhances the connection to yourself and your partners. And, some day you may surprise yourself, when without direct genital play, your sexual energy explodes in a wild and wonderful way. Then you’ll know that all sorts of orgasm are possible and you can have what I’m having.

OLC_Succulent_SexCraft_Website header_ProductLearn how here:

Succulent SexCraft Online Course
Four Wednesdays: September 28, October 5, 12, 19. 8 pm ET

Get all the fundamentals of SexCraft and learn to develop mastery of your erotic experience.

This is the FOUNDATION for everything else Sheri teaches. All her other classes, all her books, all her teaching starts with this: Learning to play your own ‘instrument’ and developing mastery of your own erotic abilities.

Amplify your PLEASURE. Expand your AROUSAL. Magnify your ORGASMS!

 

Non-Genital Orgasms: Question & Answer

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Illustration - Baruffi - Woman on Wave

Baruffi – Woman on Wave

My “Ms Orgasm” segment on TLC’s Strange Sex is about my ability to have (and teach others to have) hands-off orgasms. That’s led to some questions, one of which I want to answer here.

NGOs? What do non-governmental organizations have to do with sex? Oh, you mean non-genital orgasms! Oh, well, that I get!

But not everyone will understand this phrase. Having been dubbed Ms. Orgasm for my segment on TLC’s Strange Sex show, I’ve been getting some good questions from folks about what an non-genital orgasm is. So here goes!

Here’s the question. Clarify please: an NGO means no genital stimulation is required to arouse an orgasm but the genitals are still affected? Yes? No?

Great question! A variety of experiences fall into the non-genital orgasm category. It includes having orgasms from stimulation of other body parts. The easiest to learn/experience are parts like nipples, nape of the neck, fingers and mouth as these have hard-wired connected pathways to the genitals. Also included is the ability to have what I call ‘hands-off’ orgasms. Some people call it ‘thinking off.’ These are orgasms that result from using inner pathways and usually utilize breath, sound, intention, imagery, movement and sound. That’s what I was doing on the show.

The key to all of it is that these are LEARNABLE skills for anyone and everyone who wants to learn. NGO skills tend to be advanced abilities that take some practice and training, although some folks can just ‘get it’ and off they go. (Or come.)

By the way, this is for both solo and partnered folks. You can learn to do these things by yourself or with a friend or friends!

And, finally, yes the genitals are affected, though in varying degrees. Men can have experiences that do or don’t involve erection (which is NOT required for orgasm). For women, there is generally lubrication and engorgement, although again it may or may not be to the degree attained with direct stimulation.

MRI studies of ‘thinking off’ demonstrated that in terms of physiological response, NGOs are no different than the traditional genitally stimulated orgasm.

I hope that answers your questions. Please let me know if you have more.

Succulent SexCraft Video Mini-Classes

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Watch the Video Mini-Classes

There are four videos: An Introduction, followed by three lessons.

Introduction

You have tools of the mind, body, heart and spirit that you can use to expand your arousal and orgasmic abilities. In this mini-class I present your primary mind tool, awareness and your primary body tool, breath. I’ll give you some ideas for various ways to play with your tools. These are the skills you can use to turn-up your turn-on!


Lesson 1: Awareness and Breath

Your most foundational mind tool is your awareness. The foundational body tool is your breath.


Lesson 2: Sound & Intention

Sound can amplify sensation. Intention directs energy. Learn more about using sound and intention.

Lesson 3:  Move It!

Movement is another multi-purpose tool to increase your arousal and expand your orgasms.

OLC_Succulent_SexCraft_Website header_ProductLike learning about how to have more pleasure and amazing sex ONLINE?

Are you ready to have Sheri personally help you learn to play your own instrument with skill and passion?

You can do it in the comfort and privacy of your own home with Intimate Arts Online Education!

Join us for a 4-week deep dive into Succulent SexCraft: Supercharge Your OWN Pleasure for a lifetime of MORE!

Amplified arousal, easy orgasms, expanded orgasms and access to your own ecstasy awaits you!

Vibrator Series (part 3) – Hitachi Magic Wand

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A great starter vibrator for women: the Hitachi Magic Wand preferably with the right attachments. It serves multiple purposes – external stimulation to the clitoris and other outer parts of the vulva plus, with a firm g-spotter attachment, you can stimulate the g-spot (urethral sponge).

Will a Vibrator Cause Nerve Damage? Vibrator Series (part 2)

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Another vibrator myth toppled. Vibrator use will not cause temporary or irreparable damage! Allow me to explain …

 

May Is National Masturbation Month

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Or, as I prefer to call it:
May is Celebrate Solo Sex Month!

It all began in 1994 at a UN conference on AIDS, when Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders (the first African American and only the second woman to hold the position) was asked a question about promoting masturbation as a means of decreasing riskier behavior. She replied, “I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.”

Oh, my! A hesitant advocacy for solo sex! For taking matters into your own hot little hands! For touching yourself, in that way, down there! What will our top health care proponent say next? Well, we don’t know because she was canned shortly thereafter for her cautious admission that sex with yourself is a normal part of being human. And for suggesting that it might be something we would want to encourage.

In response, the following year three feminist sex shops deemed May to be National Masturbation Month, 31 days of celebrating sex with yourself. It seems appropriate when everything is bursting and blooming.

And here it is 17 years later and where are we with promoting, advocating and celebrating masturbation? You would think with our current climate of abstinence-only fear-based sex education that we’d be encouraging our teens to self-pleasure. And teaching them how. After all, as Woody Allen so famously said, “At least it’s sex with someone I love”.

Yet since the definition of abstinence is unclear we don’t even know if most sex-ed programs for teens include solo-sex as an option, much less as a behavior that we encourage. The most common sexual behavior is still shameful, mocked and not celebrated or taught as the empowering self-loving, healthy act that it is. It doesn’t seem like we’ve made much progress!

However, at least on a personal level, you can reclaim you right to delicious self-pleasure right now! And all month! Are you being a fabulous lover to yourself? When was the last time you had a hot date with you? Perhaps you need to spice up your life with more solo-quickies! Whatever else you do, remember to take time this month for your pleasure. Dedicate a few orgasms to Jocelyn or your other heros and heroines of sexual liberation, including, I hope yourself! Go on, go play with yourself, all month long. And why stop there? You can celebrate self-love for your whole life!