Sexual Health – Page 2 – Intimate Arts Center

Lube Rules!

December 5, 2015/in Blog, Hot Tips, Sexual Health, Sheri Winston Blogs/by Sheri Winston

In 2016 I offered a free online class about SEX TOYS: The Good, the Baaad and the Slutty.
(You can still get the recording here)

As part of all my online education, I always give lots of extra information and resources. As a Wholistic Sexuality teacher and former health care provider, I get asked questions about lubricants all the time. I figured I may as well expand this a bit into a blog post and share it with you.

So, here’s a short primer on the rules of lube and why lube rules!

Why Lube?

Lubricants make everything wetter, slipperier, slick and slidey. Yum!

While vaginas do produce natural lubrication, even if you’re a vagina-owner who produces plenty of natural lubricant, more is better. Also, keep in mind that while vaginal lubrication is a sign of early arousal for some women, most vaginas won’t get super-slippery until the vagina-owner is in high level arousal. Beyond taking the time for a women’s entire erectile tissue network to get totally engorged, this is another good reason to wait until you’re really turned on before putting anything inside!

And, for those times in life when your vagina is dry, such as post-partum, post-menopause, or when you’re on birth control pills, using additional lubricant can make the difference between pain and pleasure.

Using lube is also essential for anal penetration play. The anus produces little natural lubricant and the tissues are fragile.

In addition, if you are using barriers for safer sex play or contraception, lube increases the pleasure quotient significantly. A few drops of lube inside the tip of the condom increases the penis-owners’ sensation (not inside the whole thing though – that would cause it to slip off!) Once the condom is on, slathering the outside will increase the pleasure for the recipient and reduce the chance of breakage—a win-win if I ever heard one! Similarly, some lube on the receiver’s side of a dental dam makes that ‘piece of plastic’ seem to disappear.

Lubricants and Moisturizers

It’s important to know the difference between lubricants and moisturizers. Lubricants make things slide and stay on the surface of your tissues. They’re good for sex, reducing friction and irritation and increasing sensation and pleasure. Moisturizers are absorbed into your tissues, improving tone, elasticity and resilience.

Lube Rules

Oil doesn’t mix with latex. Oil causes latex to deteriorate rapidly leading to the dreaded breakage! (or tiny holes that are huge to sperm and microbes!)

There are basically two kinds of oil-based lubricant products: those based on petroleum (Vaseline, petroleum jelly, mineral oil) and those using plant-based oils (coconut oil, sunflower oil, etc.).
No oil-based products of either kind can be used with latex products.
- This includes natural latex products (the vast majority of condoms) as well as polyisoprene (synthetic latex) products.

Water-based lubricants can be used with any products.
Silicone lubes can NOT be used with silicon sex toys. They will cause them to degrade.

Condom Sense

Most condoms are made of latex, which is stretchy, thin and comes in a wide variety of sizes and styles. They’re inexpensive and fine for most people. However, for people who are latex-sensitive (get irritated) or allergic (have serious reactions) or who wish to use plant-based oils like coconut oil, there are some non-latex options.

Types of Non-Latex Condoms that CAN be used with natural oils:

Polyurethane
- Trojan™ Supra Condoms
- Trojan BareSkin Condoms
Nitrile
- FC2 Female Condom
Lambskin condoms: I generally don’t recommend them as they DO NOT PROTECT AGAINST INFECTIONS!

Types of Non-Latex Condoms that CAN NOT be used with natural oils:

Polyisoprene (synthetic latex) These synthetic latex products can have the same issues that natural latex does, that is, oils will degrade them.)
- LifeStyles® Skyn Condoms
- Durex Real Feel Condoms

Natural Plant-Based Oils

If you aren’t using latex barriers, you can use any natural plant-based oil as a sexual lubricant. I recommend using organic products. You can find a wide selection at natural food store, sexuality shops and online.

My favorite natural lubricant is good old coconut oil, which acts as both a lubricant and a moisturizer! You just use it straight out of the jar. It smells and tastes delicious. It’s solid when cool and a liquid when warm and it melts deliciously at body temperature. Coconut oil is also good for vaginas as it’s mildly anti-fungal and anti-bacterial (but only against the ‘bad’ bacteria and not the ‘good’ ones that live in a healthy vaginal ecosystem).

Other nice body-friendly and yummy oils include almond oil, jojoba oil, sesame oil and apricot kernel oil.

Make Your Own: Yoni Balm

Yoni is Sanskrit for the ‘entrance to the universe’ or ‘sacred garden of life’. Here’s a recipe for some home-made Yoni Balm using coconut oil as a base.

¼ cup coconut oil (You can also use a mix of coconut, almond, or other plant oils.)
2 tablespoons grated and packed cocoa butter
1-2 vitamin E oil capsules
Optional: ½ teaspoon glycerin
If you like add non-alcoholic flavoring extracts: vanilla, orange, etc. (No sugar or sweeteners of any kind, though.)

Melt the coconut oil and cocoa butter gently over low heat. While cooling add vitamin E oil (empty 1-2 capsules). Add flavoring and glycerin, if desired. Pour into shallow jars or small containers.

Don’t want to make your own? No worries! One of my favorite herbal companies, Avena Botanicals makes this lovely luscious velvety Yoni Creme.

Water Soluble Lubricants

Water-soluble lubricants are good for latex products and fine with silicone toys. They don’t stain and are easy to wash off. Water-soluble lubes can get sticky and tacky though, so a handy trick to keep them slippery is to use a squirt bottle filled with water and just occasionally use a spritz to rehydrate your lubed body parts.

Unfortunately, most commercial lubricants have a nasty taste and are full of non-body-friendly chemicals. Luckily, there are many natural and organic products on the market now.

My favorite natural water soluble lubes are aloe vera-based. Like coconut oil, aloe acts as both a lubricant and a moisturizer! Among my recommended brands are Good Clean Love (goodcleanlove.com) and Aloe Cadabra (aloecadabra.com). Sliquid (sliquid.com) as a variety of natural lubes, including some with aloe, some without.

Make Your Own: Natural Water-Soluble Lubricant: Flax Seed Goo

May be used internally and externally. It’s soothing, protective, and hypo-allergenic. Plus, when it’s fresh, it has hardly any taste or smell. It’s also water-soluble, thus latex-compatible.

One cup flax seeds (whole seeds-not ground)
6 cups water (think juicy sex!)
Bring to a boil. Turn down heat. Simmer 6 minutes. Turn off heat. Let sit for 6 minutes. Strain the goo from the seeds. You have now made some sexy slime.Put in large jar in the fridge and put a smaller amount in a small jar or squeeze bottle to have handy for sex. It will keep for up to 2 months in the refrigerator, 2-3 days room temperature. It may be preserved with grapefruit seed extract, calcium ascorbate or a similar vitamin C compound, vitamin E, potassium sorbate, essential oil of lavender, rosemary, sandalwood oil, or tea tree oil.

Silicon Lubes

Silicone lubes are really slippery and long-lasting. They don’t wash off easily, so they’re great for use in the water. Three that I like are Wet (stayswetlonger.com), Pjur (pjurusa.com) & ID (idlube.com).

Samples & Sensitivity

Many companies offer sampler packs so you can try their various products. Also, most sex-education oriented brick-and-mortar stores have lube testers available so you can feel and taste the various products. As with any product, you may be sensitive to some ingredients even if they’re fine for other people. Start off by skin testing on a non-sensitive body part like your inner wrist. Assuming you have no negative reactions after a few hours, then try a small amount on your more delicate bits!

Slather and enjoy!

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:

Condom Depot for all thing condom including non-latex condoms. Beyond their selection of a wide variety of latex and non-latex condoms, they also have a supremely useful Condom Size Chart so you can get the right size to improve comfort and reduce slippage and breakage.

Condom Size: Another good condom size chart.

Female Condom FAQ

What’s The Best Lubricant? 10 Natural Lubes To Bring Home—Jess Kapadia, Huffington Post

What’s the Best Natural Sexual Lubricant? You Might Be Surprised—Jill Richardson, AlterNet. (Though I don’t agree with the author about plant-based oils)

The 5 Best All Natural Lubes—Lexi’s Green Guide

This blog is from the More Info & Resources that goes along with a FREE ONLINE CLASS: SEX TOYS: The Good, the Baaaad and the Slutty. (You can get the recording here.)

Do you like the idea of getting empowering, entertaining, erotic education for adults ONLINE? If so, we invite you to check out our Intimate Arts Online live and recorded online classes and courses. Discover a convenient, private and enlightening way to have more pleasure and expand your erotic universe. You’ll be glad you did!

Download your free Orgasmic Abundance ebook and get other free erotic education stuff here!

Want more? Check out our award-winning books.

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Circumcision Doesn’t Cause Women’s UTIs. What Does?

November 8, 2014/in Blog, Sexual Health, Sheri Winston Blogs, Women/by Sheri Winston

Is Circumcision A Factor in Women’s Urinary Tract Infections?
Is Sex?

I started writing this as a response to a Facebook post about a women who doesn’t want to have sex with her uncircumcised partner as she believed his intact penis was causing her to get recurrent urinary tract infections. I don’t know if she wants him to get circumcised but that won’t solve her problem. She has my sympathies—urinary tract infections are painful and their association with sex is distressing. Unfortunately, few people seem to actually understand why they occur or how to prevent them.

To start with since the instigation of this post focused on the status of the male member, let me say clearly—whether a male partner is circumcised or intact is not a factor in UTIs.

Sex Is NOT The Cause of Urinary Tract Infections

UTI’s are almost exclusivity caused by anal bacteria that enter and proliferate in the urinary tract. How do the little buggers get from the butt to the urethra? We transport them there by ourselves or with the help of our sexual partners. So, while sex doesn’t cause UTIs, it does tend to transfer the bacteria where they don’t belong.

Prevention

The most important thing to prevent urinary tract infections is super-great sexual hygiene to prevent any bacteria from getting in at all.

Sexual hygiene starts with the basics of good hand, genital and butt washing prior to sexual activities.

However, it’s not our before-sex behavior that’s the main problem. It’s what we’re doing while we have our erotic romps that’s really at fault. The most significant UTI prevention strategy is to keep the butt bacteria where they belong! Take care during sex! Nothing that enters in or touches near the anus should then touch in or near the vulva, vagina and urethral opening.

Sex—It’s Messy!

Let’s face it—sex is often a wet, messy business and all of the pleasure parts are quite close together. How do we keep the butt bugs where they belong? Here are a few strategies for avoiding contamination (and the possible urinary infections that can result). Try using different hands for front and back. Gloves are a great help as they can be removed after anal play. Similarly, use condoms for anal sex then remove before vaginal contact. Dental dams work great for analingus (and prevent the giver from getting other potential infections.) What to do if you’ve used a body part for anal play and now want to employ it on the vulva? Go take a break and have a good wash.

Is the Standard Advice Useful?

In addition to doing our best to keep the bacteria segregated, we can also decrease their opportunity to flourish. The standard advice of peeing before and after sex, maintaining good hydration and using generous lube can help reduce the risk of infection, should bacteria be inadvertently transferred from back to front.

However, these measures will often be inadequate to prevent an infection, especially if the bacterial load is substantial and the environment welcomes the invaders. Inflamed tissue leads to more adherence, increasing the risk of infection if bacteria have to have been accidentally introduced. An inflamed urethra is more susceptible to infection, but only if there’s a cause of infection, that is, the presence of anal microbes. If there’s no bacteria than you only have inflammation, which is still irritating and can be painful but is likely to resolve without treatment.

It certainly makes sense to stay away from irritants to prevent inflammation and irritation with the concomitant increased susceptibility to infection. Irritants can include friction, spermicides, feminine hygiene products and for some women, certain types of lubricants. Also, if the woman is not adequately aroused and adequately lubricated, penetration can cause irritation, which make her more likely to be unable to fend off bacteria. The health of the women can also be an underlying or co-existent factor.

For sexual lubricants I strongly advise natural lubricant products, like aloe-based Aloe Cadabra or Good Clean Love (water-soluble and latex-compatible) or coconut oil (NOT latex-compatible). If you’re using condoms, extra lubrication is strongly advised. Also, lubricants are very helpful for intercourse with circumcised men since the lack of the foreskin itself increases friction. The week before menstruation, the post-partum and post-menopause phases of a woman’s life are times that the genitals drier and more fragile. Personally, I think extra lube is pleasure-enhancing at any time, even for women with abundant natural juice.

In addition, unsweetened cranberry juice (liquid or concentrate capsules), Vitamin C and a variety of herbs such as Uva Ursi can naturally kill bacteria. Their use can help in prevention efforts.

Female Ejaculation Prevents UTIs

Finally, I have found that women who ejaculate rarely get UTIs. While peeing after sex may help reduce the number of bacteria, and lessen the chances of getting an infection, the actual flow of fluid through the urethra is only mildly helpful because bacteria adhere to cells. That’s why when you have a UTI and are urinating frequently, all that peeing doesn’t cure the infection. You can’t pee out all those sticky little bacteria. Yet, anecdotally, for myself, in my clinical practice and my teaching, I’ve discovered that abundant ejaculation seems to significantly or even completely prevent urinary infections. (Plus excellent sexual hygiene, of course.) I have a theory that female ejaculate is anti-microbial—I think it’s Mother’s Nature’s UTI prevention strategy.

No More UTIs!

Urinary tract infections are awful, painful and can have dramatic impacts on our sex lives. Some basic knowledge and simple measures can easily be put to use to prevent them once we understand where they come from and how to thwart them. Great sexual hygiene and learning to work with the body’s natural defenses can stop this common problem in its tracks and keep badly behaving bacteria from colonizing our urinary tracts as well.

Want to learn how to female ejaculate (or help your partner learn to do so)? Take the online course!

The Learnable Art of Female Ejaculation

Three Online Classes, Supporting Texts and Videos, ‘Home Play’ Assignments, and More

Women’s Health Magazine Gets It Wrong about Women & UTIs

August 18, 2014/in Blog, In The News, Sexual Health, Sheri Winston Blogs, Women/by Carl

It’s not fair to women to put out an article about women’s health that mixes correct and incorrect information. Let me set the record straight about what they got right and what they got disastrously wrong and what they just don’t understand.

True: UTI’s are common in women and often related to sexual intercourse.

To start with, it’s important to understand that there’s a difference between irritation from too much friction and an infection caused by bad bacteria.

If irritation is the issue then applying frequent and generous lubricant will help reduce friction. Especially if you’re using condoms, and going at it a lot, than lubricants are your friend.

Even more important: make sure the woman is totally and thoroughly aroused prior to penetration. Most people are confused about what constitutes full female arousal and readiness for penetration. For most women that can take 30 – 45 minutes of getting turned on. Without having all of your erogenous tissue fully engorged, you are prone to irritation and significantly less pleasure. Ladies, don’t allow “premature penetration!”

Back to the mistakes in the article. Here’s another place they’re completely wrong: “When you have sex, bacteria from the vagina can get rubbed into the urethra, where it travels up to the bladder.” Nope, it’s not vaginal bacteria that are the problem. It’s almost always bacteria from the anus that cause urinary infections.

Since it’s anal invaders that are the source of urinary infections, the best prevention is excellent sexual hygiene, meaning that nothing that touches in or around the butt should go in or around the vulva and vagina. (At least not until it’s been thoroughly washed with soap and water.)

While the frequency of the sex is an factor in UTI’s it’s not the amount of sex per se that’s the problem. It’s friction, inflammation and un-friendly bacteria. More sexual activity provides more chances for butt bacteria will get tracked into the vaginal and urethral areas. In addition, irritated and inflamed tissue is more susceptible to infection. That’s a bad combination.

They got this right: “taking cranberry extract on a regular basis can help. Cranberry actually keeps the bacteria from sticking to the wall of the bladder.” That is true! Using cranberry extract capsules is a great strategy for prevention and can also nip an impending infection in the bud (if you catch it super early.)

This is totally wrong: “Your doctor may also prescribe an antibiotic that you can take each time you have sex, which will deliver a high level of antibodies to the urine (though not to your blood stream, so you won’t get a yeast infection).” So very wrong. When you take antibiotics, you deliver antibiotics to your whole body via your blood stream. While antibiotics will kill the bad bacteria in your urinary system, they can also kill the good bacteria in your vagina and lead to yeast infections.

The take-away: Make sure that the women’s body is really ready for penetration by taking as much time as she needs to be completely ready. And ready doesn’t just mean wet—that’s an sign of early arousal. For a woman to be totally turned on means that she’s deeply into her state of arousal and that her whole erectile network (her circuit of connected erectile tissue structures) is engorged.

Use extra lube.

Practice careful sexual hygiene.

Have as much sex as you want.

photo CC-BY Graham

Discover the Source of Female Ejaculation

March 21, 2013/in Blog, Genital Anatomy, Sexual Health, Sheri Winston Blogs, Women/by Sheri Winston

Nectar of Life

In ancient India, female ejaculate was known as sacred Amrita or the Nectar of Life. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, it’s called White Moon Flower Medicine. Western science is beginning to catch up with this ancient wisdom, but while there is more research then previously, we still lack a consensus about the existence of many of the structures that make up the whole female genitalia and the process of female ejaculation.

The Erectile Network

Women have a network of interconnected structures that are all made of erectile tissue. I call it the Erectile Network. The Erectile Network is a matrix of structures that includes all three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, the perineal sponge and the urethral sponge. Women can become aroused and orgasmic by stimulating any of these structures (or in many other non-genital ways as well) but, in general the best arousal and orgasms happen when all of these structures are thoroughly stimulated.

Erectile Equality

Pound for pound, inch for inch the female erectile network contains the same amount of erectile tissue as a penis. Erectile tissue is mostly composed of erectile capillaries, which are tiny specialized blood vessels that have the capacity to fill with blood. This is engorgement which is what causes erectile tissue to swell, become harder and more sensitive.

The Super Soaker Sponge

One of the structures in the network is the urethral sponge (aka the female prostate since it’s analogous to the male prostate). The urethral sponge is a tube that surrounds the tube of the urethra – think of it like a roll of paper towels surrounding the inner cardboard tube. It’s located above the roof of the vagina. The bottom of the tube is what is currently (and incorrectly) being referred to as the G-Spot.

The urethral sponge is comprised of both erectile and glandular tissue. The glands are the Paraurethral Glands (aka the Skene’s Glands). They’re tiny tubular structures that are enmeshed in the erectile capillaries — think of them like the hair roots of a plant threaded throughout the soil of the erectile tissue. The tubular glands end in about thirty openings along the urethra, with two slightly larger ducts just inside or just outside the urethral orifice. In other words, the glandular tubules empty into the urethral canal. In some women, there are additional openings along the sides of the vaginal vestibule.

These glands are the source of female ejaculate. The fluid originates in the circulatory system. The watery part of the blood, the plasma diffuses through the wall of the capillaries, enters the glandular tubule, mixes with the products of the gland and then emerges into the urethra. From there it can either emerge from the urethral opening or back-up into the bladder.

More Ejaculate Info

Female ejaculation is the expulsion of that fluid in a drip, gush or squirt. It can be a few drops, a small puddle or a huge flood. In fact, since the original source of the liquid is the circulatory system, there’s a huge fluid reservoir and women can continue to make fluid and have repeated and profuse amounts of ejaculate.

Women may squirt once or repeatedly, occasionally, sometimes, frequently, or always. Female ejaculation doesn’t always accompany orgasm. It can happen with high level arousal although for many women it does commonly happen with orgasm.

Ejaculate is not urine, although it spurts out from the urethra. That’s the same hole pee comes out of, so it’s understandable that people might think it’s urine. But it’s not yellow, doesn’t smell like pee, doesn’t have the same chemical make-up as urine (no urea, no nitric acid). That’s because it’s not urine and doesn’t originate from the bladder. The fluid does contain Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) and Prostatic Acid Phosphatase just as the male prostate fluid does.

Amrita Isn’t Lube

Is it the same as vaginal lubrication? No. vaginal lubrication comes from the inner walls of the vagina and it’s slick and slippery. Ejaculate comes from the paraurethral glands, emerges from the urethral opening and it’s watery.

Natural AND Learnable

While some women are natural ejaculators, it’s a learnable skill and any woman can learn to do it. It’s not required. This is a totally optional skill. I will say though that having ejaculatory orgasms is a mind-boggling, intense and goddess-like experience, so it may be something that you want to learn to do! Being a gushing goddess (or being with a gushing goddess) is glorious!

Read the Book

Women’s Anatomy of Arousal — Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure to see more detailed images of these structures, to learn more about all the parts that women really have and the amazing things they can learn to do with them.