Ms. Orgasm Responds

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Hi, Sheri Winston here. Ms. Orgasm, as they dubbed me on Strange Sex.

To clarify: I never claimed to have had 15,000 orgasms in my lifetime or ‘with the power of my mind’. They made that up. Nor did I say that my record for non-genital orgasms was five in a day. That’s just silly. And, seriously, who’s counting? (Though if I was, the number would be considerably  higher!) I guess the folks at Strange Sex felt they needed to add this as part of their branding script, but it had nothing to do with me. In fact, adding such meaningless invented statistics betrays a serious lack of understanding of what orgasms are all about—both genital and non-genital. People’s orgasmic potential is virtually unlimited: an orgasm can last an hour or more, and people can have dozens or even hundreds of orgasms in a day. Orgasms can be the result of direct genital stimulation, non-genital play or completely hands-off responses. There’s an enormous and varied realm of orgasmic experiences.

Gervex-Woman-Tosed-by-a-WaveIt is true that I’ve had an amazing abundance of orgasms in my life. But it’s not that I was blessed by the orgasm fairy at birth or have really, really great sex karma. These are all things that I learned to do. And the point isn’t even really what abilities I’ve cultivated. The important point is that anyone who wants to can learn these skills as well.

I consented to appear on Strange Sex not because I took any particular pleasure in exhibiting my orgasmic capabilities to the world (despite the evidence, I’m actually a pretty private person!), but because it’s part of my mission as a sex teacher to let people know that they have extraordinary erotic potential, far more than most people imagine.

I’ve learned to develop my spectacular orgasmic abilities through decades of practice. By that, I mean both through personal sexual practice, as well as in my professional practice. OK, get a grip, I don’t mean as a sex worker—I mean as a nurse-midwife and childbirth educator for over two decades and then as a sex teacher for more than a dozen years. It may surprise you to learn that all the skills that help women have wonderful births are the same as those that lead to spectacular sex. But it’s true! That’s how I got my start in learning to expand my erotic abilities—teaching women how to use their mind, body, heart and spirit to maximize their chances of having a natural, empowering and even ecstatic birth.

Here’s the key point, though. Anyone who wants to can expand their ability to get intensely aroused, have awesome orgasms and develop erotic mastery. You see, for us humans, sex is both natural and learned. Yes, we learn sex! It’s just like learning to play an instrument or speak another language—a set of complex intertwined skills that build on a natural inherent framework. Except that it’s easier to find someone to teach you piano or take French classes than it is to find someone to teach you how to have amazing connection with your own sexual energy (and with others, if you choose).

While the TLC show focused on non-genital orgasms, that’s just a small piece of what it’s possible to learn to experience. Even in the non-genital orgasm category, there are a variety of learnable experiences, including hands-off orgasms (sometimes referred to as ‘thinking off’) as well as orgasms through stimulation of non-genital body parts. In fact, some people who are para- or quadriplegics have learned to have orgasms from stimulation of their fingers or mouth—a testament to the plasticity of the human brain and the ability to learn.

If you doubt this, I have a question for you. Have you ever had an orgasm in your dreams? If so, you’ve had a non-genital orgasm!

As for whether I’m faking it or not, I have two responses. If you’re looking for data, check out the experiments being done at Rutgers University by Whipple, Komisaruk and Wise, using an MRI to document the ability to ‘think off’ and demonstrating that in terms of physiological response, it’s no different than the traditional genitally stimulated orgasm.

vanity-Gustav Wertheimer_V4My second response though, may be more to the point. You don’t need to believe me. In fact, I urge you to be skeptical of all official experts, including me. Become your own expert. Check it out for yourself. If you really want to know what’s possible, experiment with various techniques, play and practice, and discover your own abilities. Find the way to connect with and expand your own pleasure pathways. Discover for yourself how to expand your turn-on and amp up your orgasmic abilities.

You can learn how to respond to a wider range of stimuli, to have extended orgasms or non-genital orgasms. You can go for total erotic virtuosity. Or not. It’s up to you. For most people, non-genital orgasms are an advanced skill that will take years of practice, although there are always those who are very quick learners!

Please do remember though, there’s no right or wrong way. There’s only what works for you. It’s not a competitive sport or more things on your overcrowded to-do list. It’s play. Sexy, sacred, awesome, ecstatic, sweaty, sweet play. Whatever you do, focus on the pleasure and whatever enhances the connection to yourself and your partners. And, some day you may surprise yourself, when without direct genital play, your sexual energy explodes in a wild and wonderful way. Then you’ll know that all sorts of orgasm are possible and you can have what I’m having.

OLC_Succulent_SexCraft_Website header_ProductLearn how here:

Succulent SexCraft Online Course
Four Wednesdays: September 28, October 5, 12, 19. 8 pm ET

Get all the fundamentals of SexCraft and learn to develop mastery of your erotic experience.

This is the FOUNDATION for everything else Sheri teaches. All her other classes, all her books, all her teaching starts with this: Learning to play your own ‘instrument’ and developing mastery of your own erotic abilities.

Amplify your PLEASURE. Expand your AROUSAL. Magnify your ORGASMS!

 

Non-Genital Orgasms: Question & Answer

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Illustration - Baruffi - Woman on Wave

Baruffi – Woman on Wave

My “Ms Orgasm” segment on TLC’s Strange Sex is about my ability to have (and teach others to have) hands-off orgasms. That’s led to some questions, one of which I want to answer here.

NGOs? What do non-governmental organizations have to do with sex? Oh, you mean non-genital orgasms! Oh, well, that I get!

But not everyone will understand this phrase. Having been dubbed Ms. Orgasm for my segment on TLC’s Strange Sex show, I’ve been getting some good questions from folks about what an non-genital orgasm is. So here goes!

Here’s the question. Clarify please: an NGO means no genital stimulation is required to arouse an orgasm but the genitals are still affected? Yes? No?

Great question! A variety of experiences fall into the non-genital orgasm category. It includes having orgasms from stimulation of other body parts. The easiest to learn/experience are parts like nipples, nape of the neck, fingers and mouth as these have hard-wired connected pathways to the genitals. Also included is the ability to have what I call ‘hands-off’ orgasms. Some people call it ‘thinking off.’ These are orgasms that result from using inner pathways and usually utilize breath, sound, intention, imagery, movement and sound. That’s what I was doing on the show.

The key to all of it is that these are LEARNABLE skills for anyone and everyone who wants to learn. NGO skills tend to be advanced abilities that take some practice and training, although some folks can just ‘get it’ and off they go. (Or come.)

By the way, this is for both solo and partnered folks. You can learn to do these things by yourself or with a friend or friends!

And, finally, yes the genitals are affected, though in varying degrees. Men can have experiences that do or don’t involve erection (which is NOT required for orgasm). For women, there is generally lubrication and engorgement, although again it may or may not be to the degree attained with direct stimulation.

MRI studies of ‘thinking off’ demonstrated that in terms of physiological response, NGOs are no different than the traditional genitally stimulated orgasm.

I hope that answers your questions. Please let me know if you have more.

May Is National Masturbation Month

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Or, as I prefer to call it:
May is Celebrate Solo Sex Month!

It all began in 1994 at a UN conference on AIDS, when Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders (the first African American and only the second woman to hold the position) was asked a question about promoting masturbation as a means of decreasing riskier behavior. She replied, “I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.”

Oh, my! A hesitant advocacy for solo sex! For taking matters into your own hot little hands! For touching yourself, in that way, down there! What will our top health care proponent say next? Well, we don’t know because she was canned shortly thereafter for her cautious admission that sex with yourself is a normal part of being human. And for suggesting that it might be something we would want to encourage.

In response, the following year three feminist sex shops deemed May to be National Masturbation Month, 31 days of celebrating sex with yourself. It seems appropriate when everything is bursting and blooming.

And here it is 17 years later and where are we with promoting, advocating and celebrating masturbation? You would think with our current climate of abstinence-only fear-based sex education that we’d be encouraging our teens to self-pleasure. And teaching them how. After all, as Woody Allen so famously said, “At least it’s sex with someone I love”.

Yet since the definition of abstinence is unclear we don’t even know if most sex-ed programs for teens include solo-sex as an option, much less as a behavior that we encourage. The most common sexual behavior is still shameful, mocked and not celebrated or taught as the empowering self-loving, healthy act that it is. It doesn’t seem like we’ve made much progress!

However, at least on a personal level, you can reclaim you right to delicious self-pleasure right now! And all month! Are you being a fabulous lover to yourself? When was the last time you had a hot date with you? Perhaps you need to spice up your life with more solo-quickies! Whatever else you do, remember to take time this month for your pleasure. Dedicate a few orgasms to Jocelyn or your other heros and heroines of sexual liberation, including, I hope yourself! Go on, go play with yourself, all month long. And why stop there? You can celebrate self-love for your whole life!

Will Using a Vibrator Ruin Sex with Real Live Partners? Pt 1

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Vibrator Series: Part 1

People worry that using a vibrator will spoil sex and will make it impossible to ever get off just by using your hand or using someone else’s various body parts. I get this question all the time. Allow me to reassure you and dispel this myth.

Are We Really Still Debating Vaginal Orgasm?

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The Journal of Sexual Medicine’s recent issue states that “There is general agreement that it is possible to have an orgasm thru the direct simulation of the external clitoris. In contrast, the possibility of achieving climax during penetration has been controversial.” They include the opinions of six scientists with different experimental evidence debating the existence of the vaginally activated orgasm. Their conclusion? “The assumption that women may experience only the clitoral, external orgasm is not based on the best available scientific evidence.”

Really? Scientists are debating whether it’s possible for a woman to have an orgasm from vaginal stimulation? I hate to be snarky but ‘duh’. Of course it’s possible. Women having orgasms from vaginal penetration alone is’s just not what happens much of the time. The majority of women—more than half—don’t have orgasms with intercourse. Even for those that do, it’s not usually their first or easiest path to orgasm.

And, orgasm with intercourse is certainly not the only way or the right way. There is no one right way. There is a wide spectrum of orgasms people can have, and part of that variation definitely depends on what parts get stimulated, in what ways and for how long.

But here’s the thing. Woman can learn to have orgasms with intercourse—it’s a learnable skill. If a woman wants to learn how. It’s always important to remember that all of our erotic skills are options, not things any one has to do. And no one’s a failure or broken or not sexy if they haven’t yet learned how to have orgasms in any particular way.

So, I’d like to suggest we stop debating whether it’s possible and turn our attention to helping women learn lots of paths to orgasm and then learn to expand their pathways to include whatever activities they want in their repertoire.

Want More? Watch my Video Blog where I answer a woman’s question about How Can I Learn to Have Orgasms With Intercourse?