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Chapter 13: The Love You Make




Play & Practice: Partner Play—The “I Love You” Game

Discover how much you can say with just three words. In this exercise, you take turns saying that very basic phrase, “I love you” while varying the emphasis, timbre and emotional intonation.

Gaze in each other’s eyes. You might begin with “I love you” with the emphasis on the ‘love.’ Your partner may respond emphasizing the ‘you.’ Then it’s your turn to return the phrase with whatever intonation you’re inspired to use.

When the time feels right, randomly intersperse “You love me.” This can be a declaration or an inquiry: “You love me?” “I LOVE you!”

Variations on this game: ‘I really love you.’ ‘You really love me.’ ‘I love you so much.’ Discover what resonates.

Play & Practice: Solo & Partner Play—Positivity Day

Make an intention that today you will practice positivity with yourself and your partner, if you have one. Whatever happens in the course of your day, actively seek out a positive framing.

Play & Practice: Partner Play—Nurture Time

One partner takes the role of the parental giver, the other that of the child receiver.

Position yourself so the giver can be relaxed and comfortable while holding the receiver. One option is for the giver to sit with their back to a wall or the headboard of a bed, while the receiver lies on their side, with as much of them as possible in the giver’s lap. The giver wraps their arms around the receiver. If you can, do it with your hearts more or less aligned. The receiver tucks their arms in so they’re totally passive and not doing any holding.

The giver practices opening their heart, thinking loving thoughts and envisioning their heart energy surrounding the receiver. The giver holds firmly, rocks, pats, gives soft dry kisses (angel kisses), strokes their baby’s hair and whispers sweet words and soft reassuring sounds. The baby doesn’t do anything but receive and feel what it’s like to be totally, unconditionally loved.

You can follow this session with an erotic encounter if both partners want to go there.

You’ll want to switch roles at some point. You can do this in back-to-back sessions, but it may work better if you schedule your two sessions at different times.

Your Perfect Lover Inventory

Get out your journal or a piece of paper. Write out a list of the qualities you value most in a partner. Start with the ones you see as essential in your perfect lover. After you’re done, go to the next exercise.

Discovering Your Perfect Lover

Look back at your Perfect Lover Inventory and ask yourself how many of these qualities you possess. Did you describe yourself? If so, does this surprise you? Is it you as you are now? As you would like to be? Or will be, if you set your mind and heart to it?

No need for any action here, just think about it.

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