Resources & Home Play Assignments
Week Four: Integration
Succulent Summary: How to Become A Sexual Virtuoso
The steps are fairly simple, although it may take some time for you to get from where you are now to full virtuosity.
- Tell new stories. Identify your old stories about sex, figure out which ones don’t serve you and replace them with ones that do.
- Discover your sexcraft toolkit. All the instruments are already there inside you.
- Learn to use your skills. Remember, you are both the musician and your instrument. You have the capacity to make exquisite erotic music, to become fluent in the language of sexual energy.
- Practice and play! As with any skill, to get better you’ll need to practice, which in this case also means play. (Such a happy coincidence!) On the whole, what you do is less important than doing something, anything, that will help you learn. And remember—you don’t need a partner to practice! The more you the practice—the more you play—the more skilled you become.
Turning It On, Turning It Up
Here’s an outline for a basic solo erotic session that incorporates many of your sexcraft tools into a single pleasure practice.
Create A Container
Use ritual, altars and other sexcraft spirit tools to create a sacred space.
Create Conscious Intention
Set your intention for the session. Some suggestions:
“I am practicing techniques for turning my arousal energy on and then up.”
“I am exploring my extraordinary pleasure potential.”
“I am cultivating my sexual energy.”
“I’m practicing self-love.”
Play With Practice
Start by focusing on your breath. Use your awareness to tune in. Begin in silence, then expand your exhale with pleasure sounds. Next, let your pelvis gently rock in rhythm. Then pulse your pelvic floor muscles, synchronizing them with your sounding breaths.
Use ‘Vision Plus’
Close your eyes or put on a blindfold to turn your vision inward. Explore different images to see what helps you connect with your erotic energy. Among the options:
- Imagine your inner channel. Feel it expand as you breathe, sound, vibrate and see it opening wider.
- Visualize energy as light streaming through your body with each breath. See it get brighter, change color and fill you with illumination.
- Imagine liquid flowing up from your pelvic floor, surging through a channel in the center of your body up into your head. Then let it pour back down.
- Pulse your pelvic muscles. Notice that as you’re squeezing, you’re also pumping and plumping your pleasure parts.
- Imagine blood flowing into your genitals, expanding and engorging them. See them opening like a flower or puffing and plumping up.
- Imagine a string, like on a stand-up bass, that runs through your center channel. Visualize each breath and sound vibrating the cord.
- Use fantasy and erotic imagery to get turned on.
Take Time to Touch
Once you have the breath/sound/movement/vision instruments playing, begin to slowly touch yourself. Start with the non-sexual areas of your body. Rub your belly, stroke your legs, hold your feet, fondle your arms, caress your face. Maintain the basic practices of breathing, sounding, seeing and feeling while you do this. Whatever you touch, send your breath there. Bring your inner vision to that specific part of you. Imagine energy flowing there. Send love, acceptance and care to all your parts (especially the ones you struggle to love and accept). Feel your whole body becoming more alive. Pay attention! Notice how it feels. Take as much time as you want to really touch yourself. Awaken your whole body.
Turn it ON!
When your whole body feels alive and awake, you’re ready to move to the more sexual areas of your body. Play with your breasts (if you have them) and nipples. Run your hands over the surface of your genitals. Keep breathing, making pleasure sounds and rocking, pumping and pulsing your bottom. Keep your vision focused inward. Continue to send your erotic energy into each precious part of you.
As you proceed to playing directly with your genitals, practice beginner’s mind. Pretend you’ve never touched them before. Explore them as if they were a brand-new toy. Try touching them in new ways. Keep noticing how delightful it feels. Practice paying attention. Experiment. Play with your different sexcraft skills and tools as you self-pleasure and notice what happens. Keep using them as you build your arousal.
Pay attention to how it feels when you send your breath into your genitals. Notice what happens as you draw that breath up your spine.
As you breathe into your pelvis and genitals, you may start to see or feel heat and light pulsing. Envision them aglow, incandescent with light.
You may feel increasing vibrations. Enhance that with sound and movement.
Play with different sounds in tune with different hand strokes.
Have orgasm(s) or not, as you desire.
Arousal Meditation: Relaxing Into Excitement
Start by using either your hands-on or hands-off sexcraft skills to get to low-level arousal. With slow breathing, relaxing sighs and gentle stretches, relax into your arousal.
Now fire up your erotic energy in any way you like. Bring your arousal up to mid-level. See if you can relax into your arousal by slowing your respiratory rate, doing deep sighs, and moving slowly. Explore stillness by keeping your hand motionless on your genitals and refraining from rocking and pulsing. Get quiet. Go soft. Focus your awareness on pleasure and sensations. Allow thoughts and goals to drift away.
Next, rev up again, using whatever works to get you to high-level arousal (ideally including fast deep breathing, hot sexy sounds and sensual movements). Get near your almost-coming place, but don’t go all the way there. (Guys, for you that means stopping just before you reach ejaculatory inevitability.) Once again, relax into your arousal by slowing your breathing, slowing or stopping your motions and tuning in to sensation and pleasure. Let your sounds get quieter or silent. Let go of any sense of urgency, performance anxiety or pressure to make something happen. Allow yourself to drift into bliss. Let the erotic energy move through you as it will.
You may want to do three rounds of this practice, revving your energy up, then relaxing into your arousal.