Succulent SexCraft

Resources & Home Play Assignments

Week One: Exploration

Your Sexual Self

What do you like about your current sex life?

What do you dislike about your current sex life?

What do you think would make your sex life more fulfilling?

How do you feel about your sexuality?

What positive & negative beliefs and messages did you get from your upbringing about your sexuality? Your body? Gender? Orientation? Intimate Relationships? Other people’s bodies? Particular sexual activities?

Please list some positive and negative emotions that you experience in regards to your relationship/sexual life.

Positive:

Negative:

Everyone has significant events from your past that have shaped your sexuality, positive or negative. Can you list 1 or 2 of the ones that you consider most significant?

What did you learn from your experiences?

Your SexCraft Toolkit

Wholistic Sexuality Resources

Sheri’s Succulent SexCraft Mini-Videos

Introduction

Awareness and Breath (Part 1)

Sound and Intention (Part 2)

Move It! (Part 3)

The following exercises are drawn from Sheri’s book Succulent SexCraft …

What Is Sex for You?

For starters, ponder these questions, remembering that there are no right answers. If you choose, record your responses in your journal.

How do you define sex?
What did you think sex was when you were a child?
What would you like your sex life to be like?
What do you like about your current sex life? What do you dislike about it?
What are some positive feelings you have about your sexuality?
What are some negative feelings?
What do you believe would make your sex life more fulfilling?
What would you like to learn?

Map Your Sexual Self

This is best done as a writing exercise, but it can also be a meditation.

On a blank page, draw a circle in the middle and put your sexual self inside (Write “Sexual Me“ or “My Sexual Self.”) Write whatever words pop into your mind, then circle each one and draw connecting lines between them, allowing a web of connections to emerge.

Art Option: Make a collage of images.

However you do it, keep playing with it and adding to it.

Know Thyself

Do this as a spontaneous writing exercise. Don’t think about it—just write the first things that pop into your head. Write as much as you want for each.

Sex is …
When I imagine myself having sex, I feel …
When I describe my sexual self, I say I am …
My body is …
My darkest fantasies are or include …
If my genitals could speak, they’d say…

Pleasure List

Make a list of things that you can do for (and with) yourself that give you pleasure. Include things that you can do in a few minutes, that require a medium chunk of time, and that need a leisurely time span. Include things that are free (although luxuries that cost money are okay, too).

Put your list where you’ll see it. Add to it as you discover new ways to nurture, love and pleasure yourself.

Take regular pleasure breaks during your day and do something on your list. Or, start your day by doing something that makes you feel good and happy. Conclude your evening with another pleasurable action or activity.

Suggestions: Sing a song. Make a piece of art. Read. Stretch. Dance. Have orgasms. Do orgasmic breathing. Take a hot scented bath by candlelight. Listen to the birds. Pat your pet (your four-footed one, not your genital one). Drink water. Get and give massage. Take three deep slow breaths. Listen to music. Take a walk in nature. Chocolate! Mangos!

Don’t limit yourself to this list—do what brings you pleasure.

Make pleasure a habit.

And a practice.

Make a Date With Yourself

This one may be hard for you even to imagine, much less do. Begin by thinking about the wonderful things you’d do on a romantic sexy date. Imagine a perfect rendezvous with your lover. Envision all the details.

Only—this date is with yourself.

How do you prepare yourself? Here are some suggestions—feel free to follow your own instincts here. Take a scented, candle-lit bath. Get your body all clean and delicious. Put on your most luscious silky lingerie, a velvet robe or a racy costume. Take the time to groom yourself—a close shave and a manicure, perhaps?

You’ll want to prepare your love bower. Make it clean and inviting. Be sure it’s warm and comfortable and all your supplies are close at hand.

Now do all the things you’d do with a lover. Enjoy a delectable meal and a glass of fine wine (not too much!). Move on to a slow, full-body sensuous self-massage. Have a sexy dance to your favorite steamy music. Seduce yourself! Make love to yourself for a good, long, titillating time. Don’t forget to have a loving solo cuddle when you’re done and to whisper sweet nothings to yourself. “Thanks, it was great for me, too!”

Three Positives

We all have a negative interior soundtrack of criticism, nagging doubt and self-limitation, often and especially about sex. It can be re-written! Here’s how:

First, bring it into the light of your awareness. Start to pay attention and really hear what your inner critic is dumping on you.
Answer that judgmental voice, not by negating it but by expressing positive affirmations. Answer each self-sabotaging comment with a minimum of three clear, positive, self-affirming statements. Always give at least three responses as it takes that many messages to get past our internal negating gates.
Be patient. It takes a while for the negative voices to become less intrusive. Repeat this practice often and you’ll gradually reprogram yourself.

Breath Awareness

Begin your breath lessons with awareness. Notice what your breath is doing naturally. Don’t do anything differently, just tune in and observe. Pay attention to your rhythm. Notice if you’re using your nose or mouth. Check in to see what parts of your body are moving as you breathe.

Tune in to your breathing at different points of your day. Notice what’s happening when you wake up, drive in traffic, are at work and while you eat.

Try doing a minute or two of breath awareness before doing any of the other practices. Do it again afterward. Notice any difference.

Breath Experiments

Here are some breath experiments to try:

Breathe a little faster, drawing your breath in deeply and letting it out a bit longer.
Open your chest and belly more.
Play with your inhale. Try inhaling through your mouth, then your nose.
Use a three-count to inhale, then try four.
Inhale by taking little sniffs. Or do a long inhale and then add an extra sniff at the end.
Play with your exhale. Let it expand, long and languorous.
Try to let your exhale fall out. Try to push your exhale out.
Try a big inhale, hold your breath briefly and then exhale with a big sighing release.