Women’s Anatomy of Arousal
Resources & Home Play Assignments
Week Four: Integral Maps: Butt Joy, Gushing, Breasts and More
Text Resources
Vaginas–What’s Normal
Female Anatomy & & Female Ejaculation Resources
Wholistic Sexuality Resources
Your Home Play Assignment(s)
The Guided Tour: Exploring the Garden of Anus
If you have never explored your own ass, now is the time. Start with a shower and get your butt nice and clean. In fact, you can do this exploration right there, in the shower with a soapy finger. If you’re doing it post-shower, use some nice slippery lube on your finger. You may want to wear a glove. You might also want to squat or kneel down for easy access.
Place your finger tip at the opening and see how it feels. Explore the edges. See if you can open your anus by breathing and bearing down slightly. Ease your finger in and feel around. Breathe and allow your anal sphincter muscles to relax around your finger. Slowly ease your finger in deeper, one little motion at a time. Pause, breathe and relax at each small bit of progress. Notice what you can do by tightening and opening your anal sphincter muscles. Notice how it feels.
You can also place your thumb in your pussy and feel the fat place in the wall where your perineal sponge is located. Feel the thin place beyond that.
If you want to explore your anal pleasure potential, play with yourself in your usual favorite way, periodically adding ass stimulation, either just on the outside of the anus, just inside or deeper inside. Experiment with what feels good until you find what makes you go ‘oh’!
Toys
You may want to buy a small or medium-sized butt plug and see if you like how that feels during your solo sex.
Don’t put anything up your ass that doesn’t have a flanged base! Anything else can be difficult to remove. That won’t be fun, so purchase toys that are specifically designed for ass play.
Hot Tips for Guys: Getting In the Garden
Ah, the forbidden, taboo desire … to get into her nether hole. Well, gentlemen, let me suggest something to you. You, too, have an asshole, which makes the anal area a great place to learn reciprocal receiving skills. Everyone’s butt-hole is very yin. We can encourage and allow it to open, we can breathe and pulse it open, but it should never, ever be forced to receive.
The best way for anyone to begin is by themselves in their solo-sex sessions. Encourage your sweetie to do so. You can experiment with yourself, too, in your own solo-sex play.
The key words in ass play are: slow, conscious, and well-lubed. You also have to have your sexual communication working well for this to be the great fun it can be. When you’re playing together, check in about boundaries and desires in this department. Don’t under any circumstances transgress her. Pressure will get you nowhere. Patience, understanding, caring, communication and the pleasure connection will get you where you want to go.
When she’s ready to explore ass play, get her in a state of high arousal. With plenty of stimulation to her clit, add gentle well-lubed attention to the outside of her anal opening. If she likes that and consents, slide your slippery finger gently in a bit. Or use a butt toy. Once she feels comfortable with something small, like a finger or butt plug, you may find her eager to try your cock. This may not happen in one session but over time. Don’t rush or pressure her. Once she thinks she’s ready for your penis, begin by getting her really hot. Use your finger or a butt toy to relax and warm up her anus. Continue clit stimulation throughout your ass exploration, either supplying it yourself or having her do it. After she’s wild and willing, remove your warm-up object or digit and very slowly, with frequent stops and check-in’s, slide your erect cock into her ass. Oh: Did I mention SLOWLY? She needs to open up around you, so proceed ultra-slowly, pausing after each incremental insertion for her to breathe and relax around you. Remind her to dilate, relax, breathe, and make sounds that encourage opening. Go slowly, at her pace, stop when she says to, and withdraw immediately if she asks you to. If you gain her ass’s trust, it will open for you. As she gets aroused and her body relaxes, you can begin more active movements. Again, ramp it up slowly. If you take the time she needs, you can get to the wild intense pleasure of being total butt-sluts.
And, remember, once anything (finger, toy, cock or whatever) has visited the butt, it can’t go play in the pussy until it’s been washed very carefully with soap and water.
Breast Love
Solo Breast Massage
Find a massage oil or breast salve that you love. Take some time to gently and lovingly massage your breasts. Don’t worry about technique – just do what feels good. Do it regularly.
What to Use
Coconut oil is great. Any kind of natural plant-based massage oil is fine.
You can also make or buy an herbal breast salve that contains organic herbs and oils that are specifically healthy for breast tissue. Remember, buy from your local herbalists for the best quality! Here are a few such products:
Remember: You’re not looking for anything that is designed to promote breastfeeding or to alleviate sore nipples. Those are different types of products.
Recipes & Massage Oils
As always, herbalist Susun Weed’s knowledge is super-useful. She describes the many herbs you can use to promote breast health. I also highly recommend her book, Breast Cancer? Breast Health! The Wise Woman Way.
You might also want to try this simple breast massage oil.
Therapeutic Breast Massage
If you want to explore a more therapeutic approach, this site has a nice therapeutic breast massage description.
(Although it will NOT make your breasts perkier or bigger—and I don’t believe that wearing a bra promotes breast cancer.)
This site has a good description of lymph massage, which I do believe is a very health-promoting practice.
Female Ejaculation
Here are a few general techniques to increase the chances that you or your partner will gush.
Start with the right mindset: Relax, enjoy and let go of any goals. Have the sex play be fun and pleasurable. If gushing happens, great. If not, no worries—it’s all about the pleasure!
Pee before you start for all the usual reasons—it makes sex play more comfortable and, in this case, also makes you less worried about peeing inadvertently.
Put down a puddle pad, so you can relax about any possible mess.
Stay well hydrated.
Use your usual pathways to become aroused first, taking the time to get deeply and thoroughly turned on.
Get the whole erectile network activated.
If possible, have one or more orgasms, in any way that works for you.
Do lots of firm, rhythmic stimulation to the urethral sponge. (Remember that you can access it from the outside and the inside. Internally, you’ll find the urethral sponge at the top of the vagina. Externally, you can play with the area of the pee-hole.)
Feel free to simultaneously or alternately stimulate other yummy parts!
As orgasm approaches, the prospective gusher bears down with her belly and pelvic floor muscles, opening and pushing out.
Let go. Let go all the way.
Continue stimulation, push again, repeat.
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