Resources & Home Play Assignments
Week Two: Experimentation
Let’s play with ways to combine pelvic floor pumping with your breathing and sound. There are two basic patterns. You can pull up your PFMs on the inhale or with the exhale.
Start by using whichever pattern feels easier. Just let your breath and bottom find their own natural groove, using any pleasure sound on the exhale. Then try the reverse pattern and play with that for a bit.
Try each pattern and tune in to notice how each one makes you feel. Try each pattern slowly, then at medium speed, then fast. Discover what’s true for you as you run your own pelvic research station.
Yin Breath: In the Yin pattern or Flow Breath, you tighten with your inhale and release with your exhale. You can make any sound, of course but it may help if you make a softly open-mouthed Oh.
For most people, the yin Flow Breath (tighten PFMs with inhale) tends to be down-regulating, helping you go with the flow. It’s great for getting grounded and present, relaxing into body awareness and shutting down your chattering mind. It also also usually useful to deepen your arousal trance at any level.
Yang Breath: In the opposite Yang pattern or Pump Breath, you give a big squeeze of your inner muscles on the exhale and release with your inhale. As always, you can use any sound but one that may be especially helpful is a spirited ‘Huh’ or ‘Hah’ or a snorting exhale.
Many people find that the yang Pump Breath (tighten PFMs with exhale) steps up erotic energy and is good for shifting from medium to high-level action. A yang breath at any time can pump up the action and intensify your turn-on.
Solo Arousal Awareness
As you take yourself through your next sexual trance journey, pause occasionally and tune into your arousal level. Ask yourself, “What level am I at?”
The first time you do it, you may choose to simply use low, medium or high. The next couple of times, try to get more precise: Use the ‘stair’ numbers. Start to distinguish what it feels like to be at a four compared to a five. Notice what’s happening with your sensations when you’re at a two or a six. What’s your breathing like at different steps? Do some internal research and notice the differences in how you feel, what you’re aware of, your pleasure level, bodily sensations, postures and movements.
Run some experiments and play with bringing your attention to your arousal level during different erotic activities. What brings it up a step? What drops it back down? Can you hang out on the same step for a while? Can you stay on step five more easily than nine?
Next, notice how deeply you’re in trance at each level. Are your stairs wide, medium or narrow? What’s the difference between a shallow five and a deep five? How is nine different when you’re in a more superficial trance compared to being deeply in?
Also run some experiments where you notice how you’re naturally being at different levels. How do you breathe, sound, and move when you’re at low, medium or high level arousal. How does it change when you’re more deeply in your erotic trance? This information is super useful — it can help you when you want to get up to the next step. Just send your breath/sound/movement ahead one step and your arousal will follow!
Variations: Add your inner vision & imagination. You could envision fluid or light flowing up and down, rolling in and out. Imagine that you’re breathing through your bottom as you pulse your PFMs.
Orgasmic Awareness Practice
The next several times you have an orgasm, note (as best you can) what you do with your breathing, your sound and your movements. Notice the types of touching that are happening. Note your position, posture and your ‘habits of orgasm’. Also notice if your thinking is entering into it, especially thoughts that hold you back or shorten your orgasm.
Then run some experiments where you change it up. For example, if you noticed you hold your breath, try to keep it moving. If you notice that your breathing gets faster, try slowing it down (or vice versa). If you tend to make sounds with a constricted throat, try making open-mouth and open-throat sounds. Explore consciously pulsing your pelvic floor muscles, rocking your hips, allowing vibrations to move through your body. If you have thinking challenges, practice letting the thoughts go by bring your awareness and attention back into your bodily sensations. Then notice what happens when you do it differently.
Lions & Tigers & Bears: Oh, Grrr!
Play with imaging yourself to be an animal and use animal sounds. Body motions are good, too! Let yourself get all wild and primal.
- Yin: Feminine energy, dark, receptive, cool, slow, watery
- Yang: Masculine energy, light, penetrative, hot, fast, fiery
- We all have both yin and yang energy.
- We all need both.
- Neither is better or worse, superior or inferior.
- The polarities are complementary, not opposite.
- There is a spectrum of qualities.
- Yin and yang are not stagnant—they move in an ever-dynamic dance.
- Each polarization has in its heart the seed of the other.
Dancing with Yin & Yang: A Self-Pleasure Celebration
Have a solo sex session where you focus on both your yin and yang skills.
Alternate yin and yang. Move from slow to fast, cool to hot, exquisitely indolent to intensely active. Go from deliberate and leisurely to aggressively egging yourself on. Ramp your energy way up, accelerating your arousal, then drop it back down. See how far you can take yourself out.
When you’re done, don’t forget to cuddle with yourself. Give yourself big snuggly hugs. Enjoy your relaxed post-orgasmic state.
Intentions: Setting Your Mind to It
Compile a list of intentions related to loving yourself well and enhancing your sexuality. You may want to do it on an ad hoc basis or in a more structured way, for instance by maintaining a list. However you do it, here are two tips to bear in mind: State your intentions in positive terms and in the present tense.
Here are some suggestions:
- I am my own best lover.
- I shower myself with love and attention.
- I am skilled at managing my arousal level.
- I slow down and savor pleasure.
- I love my ______(fill in positive words here) ______(any body parts that need extra love). Example: I love my soft curvy belly.
- I relax into my arousal.
- I am gaining skill at_____________(fill in any particular skill).
Ten Hot and Juicy Tips for Starter Orgasms
If you’ve never had an orgasm, you’re probably a woman, so I’m directing this to female-bodied people, although the same general principles apply whatever your plumbing.
- Don’t despair. There’s nothing wrong with you and you aren’t broken. This is all learnable stuff and you can learn it.
- Cultivate a positive attitude. You’ll get there.
- Learn to play your own instrument. Go play with yourself! Have solo sex. Really, loving, good, hot sex with your hot self.
- Most women benefit from getting their whole body turned on. Touch yourself all over as you’d like a lover to touch you.
- Explore your whole self. Go inside, focus on your own experience and you’ll find your inner connections to your erotic energy.
- Most women usually need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Include playing with your whole clitoris, with emphasis on the head. (Look for anatomical details in Women’s Anatomy of Arousal course or book) Try different strokes—rub, roll, circle, stroke, pat, press, pulse …
- Most women benefit from having their whole Erectile Network engorged. (Same as above) Take the time to play with all of your parts thoroughly. Hold, squeeze, massage, fondle, fill, push, pull …
- Be self-loving in lots of ways beyond sex.
- Get help, support, information and education.
- Enjoy the journey!