Secrets of Female Pleasure

Resources & Home Play Assignments

Week Four: Putting It Together—Erotic Practice & Play

A student recently asked for a ‘light body’ image. Here it is!

Text Resources

Potential Lover Questionnaire (I drew up this short document in response to a student’s request)

Your Home Play Assignment(s)

Sensual Self-Pleasure Ritual

Finding the Divine Lover Within Meditation

Heart—Yoni Breath

Create a “yoni mantra” by forming a positive, self-accepting, self-loving, yoni-loving thought. Example: “I love my beautiful, delicious yoni.”

Place one hand on your heart, the other on your yoni.

Take deep, slow breaths. Pulse your pelvic floor muscles as you breathe.

Silently repeat your yoni mantra while you breathe and pulse.

You can embroider this practice with visualizations. For example, you can imagine a current of light that circulates through you from heart to crotch.
You can add more tools to your practice such as adding colors or sensations like heat or flowing water.
You can do this practice during a solo sex session. Or share the practice with a partner by either doing it solo simultaneously or using your hands on each other’s bodies.

Connecting Solo Sex and Love (from Succulent SexCraft)

Start your erotic session by cupping your genitals in one hand and placing the other on your heart. Breathe into your hands, heart and sexy bits. Visualize a circuit or river of light filled with love energy or sex energy. Say or think affirmations and positive intentions. During your solo-sex play sex, intermittently place one hand on your heart and repeat your intentions.

You can do this with partners, too.

Try variations!

Partner Play: Genitals Need Love, Too! (from Succulent SexCraft)

Everyone wants to be loved. Genitals especially need love, care and tenderness after all the flak they’ve gotten for millennia.

Make a ritual around adoring your partner’s pleasure parts. Gaze at it lovingly. Shower it with flower petals. Anoint it with sweet sensual oils. Give it little kisses. Share a shower or bath and wash every speck of their special parts. Say out loud how beautiful their sexy parts are, how sacred and divine! Give your sweetie the gift of showing and telling them how much you enjoy, appreciate and desire their genitals.

Playpen Design (from Succulent SexCraft)

A playpen has three elements: a game, a set amount of time, and a place to play in. Design yours by, first, devising a specific idea for a game and then creating your container of time and space.

What will you play? That’s entirely up to you. Figure out what you want to learn and make a game of it. Feedback skills, touch techniques, pleasuring specific parts, show-and-tell … the list is limited only by your imagination. Focus on learning, communicating and having fun.

Use your imagination to create the setting for your game (it doesn’t always need to be your bedroom).

Allocate a set amount of time. While you can just use a clock, you can also set a time or go with a playlist of songs.

After you’re done, check in with each other about how it went, discuss possible changes and share thoughts about future playpens.

Playpen Idea: Giving Feedback Using the Positivity Sandwich

Notice the problem or issue (“The way I’m being touched is unpleasant or uncomfortable”)
Summon your courage (“I can do this even though I’m scared”)
Self check-in (“I’m anxious about giving this feedback. It’s okay to feel this way.”)
Say what’s true about where you’re at and what you’re feeling. (“I’m really nervous. I’m afraid you’ll feel criticized.” “I don’t know how to do this well.”)
State intentions: loving, connecting, communicating, clearing. (“I’m proceeding anyway because I want our connection to be fabulous, because I love you and want to love you better.”)
Tell the truth. Start with a positive. (“I love it when you touch me.”)
Give the criticism or feedback. Use “and,” not “but.” (“And it would feel even better if you did it more gently.”)
End with a positive affirmation of improvement or getting it right. (“Yes, exactly like that. I love it when you touch me like that.”
If it’s not perfect, you can choose to accept and affirm the improvement for now and return to it later. (“Much better.”)
Or keep going until it’s perfect. (“That’s better and it would be even better if you slowed down a bit.”)
Express your gratitude with a “thank you!”

Positive Sandwich (example):

“I love your hands on me.”
“It would feel even better if you touched me more softly.”
“Oh yes, just like that.”

Try making it sexy!

“Your hands feel electric on my skin.”
Oh, do it softer. I love it soft. Ummm!”
“Oh yeah, baby, it makes me crazy when you do it that way.”

Try not to use negative formulations like “not like that” or “I don’t like that.” Instead, state what you like and what positive result can be expected if you get what you’re hoping for. Not “I hate being scratched.” Instead, say, “If you use your soft fingertips, it will make me melt.” Or: “I love to be petted, softly.”

Remember: It’s not just the words. Tone of voice counts. Sound does, too. Nothing is hotter or sexier than upbeat enthusiasm!

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