Resources & Home Play Assignments
Week Three: Connection & Expansion
Text Handouts & Blogs
Spirit Tools Home Play Overview
If the Spirit Tools resonate for you, for your Homeplay:
- You may want to come up with sacred intentions. (See Using Sacred Intention to Make Sex Divine, below.)
- Create a self-love ritual
- Make a genital love altar. (See Your Altar to Eros, below.)
- Design an erotic sacred space. (See Creating Sacred Ground & Your Sacred Sexy Temple, below.)
Conduct Your Orchestra
Your hands are natural conductors of rhythm and conduits for energy. Utilize their power by orchestrating the movement of your energetic juice.
Here are some suggested ways to help your hands make magic:
- Use your hand to focus your attention. Put a hand on the place you want your arousal to go.
- Use your etheric energy field by holding your hand a few inches away from your body over the place where you want your erotic energy to go.
- Add some breaths and imagine you’re breathing through your palm.
- Run your hands from one area of your body to another to move your attention and energy. Try three or four firm rhythmic strokes. Want more genital excitement and awareness? Rub from your chest to your crotch. If you already have a lot of genital arousal, you can spread the energy to other parts of your body by stroking from your crotch to your heart or down your legs.
- Use your hands to bridge two areas by putting a hand on each to connect them. Try this with your heart and genitalia, or your belly and crotch.
- You can orchestrate energy by moving your hands about 3-10 inches above the surface of your body, as if you were stirring and swirling the air around you. Try circling your hands above your pelvis during your next climax and see if that keeps your orgasm rolling longer.
Rousing Erotic Energy
Use your imagination to build some erotic energy.
Set the intentions that there is no mind crime, no boundaries here, no actual relationship agreements – total freedom.
Recall a past scene or imagine one: somewhere you feel comfortable and safe.
You see someone and feel instantly and wildly attracted to them. They look up, lock eyes and give you’re a big, warm, excited smile. They walk towards you, maintaining eye contact as they get closer. As they get next to you, they casually, almost-but-not-quite touch your arm.
(You can take it from here … do you talk? Dance? Touch, kiss …)
You can start by Rousing Your Erotic Energy with your imagination (or not).
Imagine breathing through your genitals and bottom as you pump your pelvic floor muscles. Coordinate movement and breath by clenching your PFMs with the inhale and releasing them with the exhale.
Imagine breathing through your bottom. Employ your inner vision and see your breath flowing through your body, in and out your bottom. See your genitals opening and closing, drawing the air in and releasing it. Visualize the flow of your breath (sensation, light, liquid, …)
Use your sounds: make open-mouthed pleasure sounds. Let the sound roll in, move up and then flow down, down, down and out.
Allow your face to dilate … your mouth to softly open … your throat to widen. Let them relax open.
Give yourself permission to have it feel pleasurable, sensuous and sexy.
Use your awareness to notice how good it feels to use your whole body, to allow your sounds to be sexy, to give yourself permission to feel pleasure, and more pleasure, and more permission … Bring it on!
Tune into your body sensations.
Just go with the flow and follow the path of your erotic energy.
Let it take over, let it lead you to more pleasure.
Relax into it. Swim in it. Move it up. Back down. Intensify it. Let it get still and quiet—savor it.
When you’re done, take your time to return. Notice where you went, what happened, what worked (or didn’t). Appreciate and enjoy your abilities to orchestrate your erotic energy.
Your Central Channel: Open Either End
You have an energetic and anatomical inner channel running from top to bottom. What happens at one end is linked to what’s happening at the other. Connect your top and bottom with your breath (and a few mind tools to help). You can use your breathing, sound, awareness, intention and vision to open your channel starting at either end.
Do a deep, slow breath in and out through a loosely open mouth. Allow your lips to softly dilate, a little more with each exhale. Let all your facial muscles relax open. Keep your eyes softly focused. With each out-breath, release your jaw muscles so your chin drops a bit more with each. Rather than actively opening your mouth, instead allow it to relax and dilate. Allow the front of your mouth to expand, then the back of your mouth, then your throat. Let all the muscles of your whole face expand and open. Notice how you feel.
Breathing Open the Tube
Do the Dilating Breath and allow the opening sensations to move further and further down your inner channel. Imagine your mouth and throat as one end of an unrestricted, relaxed tube that extends all the way through the center of your whole body, from mouth to crotch. Let your entire internal channel breathe freely. Let each breath expand your inner tube. (Breathing in through your nose is also okay, although try to keep using your opened mouth for the exhale.)
Using Sacred Intention to Make Sex Divine
Before your next sexual encounter, take a few moments and create a spiritual intention for your experience. Here are a few suggestions:
- Simply repeat silently in your mind, “Sex is sacred, my body is sacred, my genitals are sacred.”
- Think, say or write sexual spiritual intentions. Examples:
- All the pleasure and love created here is in service of the sacred.
- I am open to the Divine.
- I feel all the sacred pleasure I’m capable of.
- I’m connected with the life force.
- Whatever happens inside this sacred space is holy.
Creating Sacred Ground
There are many ways to consecrate a space.
If you don’t resonate with the ideas of sacredness and spirit, you can still make your space special by using it only for erotic practices and experiments.
Here are some suggestions:
- Create a sacred sex space by drawing an imaginary boundary around your room or bed.
- Sit in the center and use your finger to draw an imaginary circle.
- Walk in a circle around your space while speaking or thinking your intention.
- Create a sacred space by making a real boundary. Paint a circle on your floor, or use a special rug or specially designated mattress as a sacred space.
- Consecrate your space by dedicating it to your spiritual practices, including sexual ones.
- Add things that evoke sacredness for you: plants, flowers, feathers, rocks, crystals, images, altars …
- Engage your sense of smell by burning incense, sage or sweetgrass in your room. If smoke is not for you, try aromatherapy spritzers. Hold a spiritual intention as you scent your space. Examples: “This scent is clearing negativity,” “This smoke welcomes in spirit.”
Your Altar to Eros
Find a space in your home for an altar dedicated to Eros.
If it’s something you don’t want to leave up all the time, use a tray as your altar base so you can move it. Take it out when you want to use it and store it away when you wish.
What do you want to manifest? You may immediately know what you want to focus your magic on. If not, get still, close your eyes, do some deep slow breathing, quiet your chattering brain, and explore what you want to work on. Ask yourself questions such as ‘What do I want to focus on?,’ ‘What do I want to heal?,’ ‘Where do I want to change?,’ or ‘How do I want to grow?’
Areas you may want to play with include connecting sex and spirit, reducing your sexual inhibitions, loving your genitals/body, loving your whole self, seeing the Divine in all or the sacredness of your sexuality. After you have an answer, create an altar or a special spot with items that call your intention and aim to mind.
Let’s say you decide you want to heal your relationship with your genitals and see them as beautiful and divine. You might start by laying down a plush piece of burgundy velvet fabric to represent your delicious blood-filled flesh. Next you might add a seashell if you have a yoni, or an oblong rock or crystal if you have a lingam. Add a red candle to represent the heat and light of your sexual parts. Fill a crystal glass with clear water to represent your sexual fluids and ‘going with the flow.’ Bring beautiful flowers (real ones or a picture)—the sexual parts of plants are a great reminder of the beauty of your own sexy parts.
What else? Whatever works for you. Perhaps a poem or written affirmations. How about a mirror? Can you draw, paint or otherwise create a lovely image of your luscious loins? You can always add to, subtract from or change your altar. In fact, I recommend doing so—it’s a great way to keep it a living representation of how you’re changing and growing.
Now that you have your altar, use it. Pause there before your sex sessions. Light your candle. Chant a love song to your lovely bits. Meditate on your gorgeous engorgeable genitals. Go back to your altar again after you’re done doing. Shower yourself with gratitude for having a body with such exquisite pleasure parts.
What else can you do? Whatever you want. Whatever you desire to manifest. Whatever magic you want to play with, you have the power to create.
Your Sacred Sexy Temple
Perhaps you have a space in your home that you can dedicate to pleasure and beauty. If so, great! If you don’t you can create a pop-up temple space. Here are some ideas for both kinds of temples.
A Permanent Temple Space
How fun is it to have a space just for pleasure? Way fun! Paint the walls a warm sexy hue. Magentas, pinks and purples are sensuous colors. Hang luscious fabrics. Put up erotic art. Make sure there are no electronics in your temple. This is a television, computer and phone-free space!
Create a soft yet firm play space. Put a futon on the floor or have a big, very firm bed with luxury linens. Add lots of pillows—big, little, soft, firm. Special sex cushions are more than a nice touch—they add tremendous options for positions and activities! Make space for beautiful altars—candles, flowers, feathers, seashells, artwork. Don’t forget to include a way to have music in your pleasure temple.
A Transient Temple Space
With ingenuity, you can quickly and easily transform a space into a temporary temple. The key is to make it easy to transition the space to temple and then back again. Make a ‘Temple in a Box’ by putting all your special things in a bin so you can quickly set up your sacred space and then hide it away.
Here are some ways to easily change a bedroom or den into a magical sex temple.
Drapes can be strategically placed, so with a whisk of fabric you close off the parts that don’t belong in your sanctuary. Curtain off your desk, the TV, the laundry or anything mundane that could distract you from being present to bliss. Folding screens can deliver the same effect. Toss decorative fabrics over everything that doesn’t belong in your temple so your work, the kid’s toys, the computer or the pile of mail are hidden from sight.
You’ll need a playground. Consider a futon couch or sofa bed to quickly shift a living room into a playroom. A floor mat especially designed for sex can be rolled out. A blow-up mattress is an option and even cushy exercise mats can work. If you’re using your bed, have a special coverlet that you only use for temple time. Use your imagination and see if you can create a comfy nest to play and relax in.
Candlelight can’t be beat for its beautiful energy (and everyone looks better in the glow of flames). Create safe candle spots so you don’t have to worry about knocking them over. Practice safe illumination! Can’t manage that? Use flameless candles. Also have your lights on dimmer switches, or have a lamp or two with colored bulbs that only get turned on when you do. Add a salt lamp or two for the warm glow and enlivening negative ions.
Now that you’ve set up the visuals, add elements that enhance the pleasures of your other senses. Not strategically located by a burbling stream or waterfall? Buy or make a fountain and add the energy and sounds of the splashing flow. The wafting scent of incense or naturally scented candles instantly transforms the energy of a room. Turn on the music and enjoy the power that sound has to shift the ordinary into the special. Or leave the music off and enjoy your personal sounds of pleasure.
Gather your sacred and sensual playthings in bins and baskets or on trays. Sex toys. Feathers, fur and other sensual toys. A silk blindfold, bondage tape, massage oil … you get the idea.
When you’re almost ready to go, set out a tray of tasty snacks like fruit and nuts (and chocolate). Have plenty of water (don’t forget the bendy straws—hydration is so important!) and perhaps a glass of wine or fruit juice.
Now you’re ready to go. And come!